My back is achy. My legs are crying out for a break today, but no such break is coming. (Except for this mini-break taken to write this post.)
Troy and I have been dreaming, planning, and saving for new furniture for our living room. We bought a fabric covered couch and chair set in California. We lugged this furniture to Colorado, and then made the brilliant move to adopt two shed-crazy dogs. Over the course of the last few years, we have regretted ever buying fabric covered furniture. First, impossible to get the "dog" smell out. But most important, the fabric is apparently made from a Velcro like material which refuses to release fur. I can vacuum all day and still be left with fur covered clothing when I sit on it. So we constantly warn friends and family who visit to NOT SIT ON THE LIVING ROOM FURNITURE. (Now for those who have now taken us off your visitation list, we do have a family room full of very comfortable, clothes friendly, leather furniture.)
So, we were finally ready to buy leather furniture for the living room. I've been perusing the local furniture store websites for this new furniture. I also just accidentally on purpose looked at bedroom furniture. (We haven't had a headboard in about four years and the head of the bed is against an outside wall....very cold.) I found a leather couch and chair for a really reasonable price at a local furniture store. I also found a beautiful sleigh bed with a handy storage bench and two large night stands. The store is running a year end clearance and we would actually be able to buy the living room set with the Christmas money we received from our parents. (Thanks guys!) I mentioned the bedroom furniture to Troy in passing. But much like Ralphie in The Christmas Story, I was plotting the perfect time to make a plea.
Friday night, Troy and I stop by the furniture store on our way out to dinner with friends. I find the couch and chair that I liked. We sit in it and decide, "Yes. This can be bought with Christmas money." Then, I show Troy the bedroom furniture I liked online. It was even better in person. Troy didn't want to leave it, but we just didn't have enough saved for the bed, storage bench, and night stands.
All day Saturday, our conversation would routinely involve how to buy the bedroom furniture. By Saturday night at about 8:30pm, we were in the car, on our way to the furniture store. We had decided to move around some funds, not buy the storage bench, and make the purchase. So, there we were at 9:45pm, signing for delivery on New Year's Day (along with the living room furniture).
Here's where it gets interesting. Between 9:45pm on Saturday night and midnight last night. We made plans to: remove the chair rail from the bedroom walls, repair damage from removal of chair rail, texture the repairs, paint walls and trim, remove closet doors and paint, and move the fur covered furniture to the garage so that later I can do some major cleaning before setting them on the curb with a "free" sign attached. This needs to be completed before the new furniture is delivered on Tuesday....yes, tomorrow. We made major progress between purchasing paint and supplies yesterday afternoon and falling into the guest bedroom bed at midnight last night, hence the achy back and legs. And here I sit, anticipating a day full of blue tape, plastic covered carpet, and paint...all day long.
Only Troy and I could spontaneously decided to pack two weeks of home improvement into 48 hours. We are the Wilsons. That's how we roll.
Monday, December 31, 2012
Friday, December 28, 2012
Way Ahead of the Game
It seems to happen every year. Before the Christmas lights are packed away for their 11 month nap, the television programs and commercials begin their annual suggestions for New Year's resolutions.
Healthy and debt-free living top the list every year. Both very admirable. Both have topped my list almost every year of my adult life. But it took more than a New Year's resolution to get the ball rolling.
Food and money management have caused me extreme stress my entire life. I was the girl who stopped on her way home from college to buy a soda and candy bar with my last few measly coins and then panicked a few miles later when I realized that I didn't have money for the toll booth. (I made it home. And I honestly can't remember if I turned around and went the non-toll route or pulled over and searched the car for stray coins until I found enough to get me through.)
This year, when I hear the diet and debt consolidation commercials, I smile a little. I give all glory to God because we are way ahead of the game. I've written to the point of nausea about my weight loss journey this past year, so I'll spare you the repeat. I haven't written about the other thing going on in our lives.
Two weeks after Troy and I were married, we were faced with a situation that could have broken us. We had put earnest money down on a mobile home and a lot in Victoria, Texas where Troy had been hired to work at a factory. We had both quit our jobs in anticipation of the move. And then we got the phone call. The company that had hired Troy was reascending the offer because they were downsizing. Troy was devastated. I immediately went to the only source I knew, my heavenly Father. I prayed for understanding, wisdom, and peace. I cried for Troy, who didn't have this source of comfort at that time. I cried for our uncertain future. But when I finished praying, I knew that everything would be okay. I knew God had this under control. And He did. God moved us to the San Francisco Bay Area and the rest is our blessed history.
But during this transition, we had few financial resources. We basically had wedding gift money, credit cards, and a personal line of credit we opened to help with deposits and a few months of utilities until we could get on our feet. Through the years we were in a cycle of paying off, adding to, and paying off credit cards. But the line of credit was our nemesis. We would get it paid down and then something would happen that we needed to dip into it again.
This summer, we both felt God's prompting to get our debt under control. We discussed how God was working and made a commitment to pare down our spending habits in order to be obedient. We were able to pay off the small balance on our credit card almost immediately. In the midst of this pauper-like lifestyle, God also prompted Troy to return to seminary adding tuition and books to the mix. It has been hard, very hard. But it's also been a huge blessing. Over the past few months, God has provided in so, so many ways. He has miraculously provided our needs AND some of our wants.
This morning I made the LAST PAYMENT on the line of credit. Praise God!!!!! It has been only with His guidance and wisdom that we have been able to accomplish this.
I think from this moment on, every time I see a commercial about weight loss or money management, I'm going to stop and offer a prayer of praise and thanksgiving to God. That's my resolution.
Healthy and debt-free living top the list every year. Both very admirable. Both have topped my list almost every year of my adult life. But it took more than a New Year's resolution to get the ball rolling.
Food and money management have caused me extreme stress my entire life. I was the girl who stopped on her way home from college to buy a soda and candy bar with my last few measly coins and then panicked a few miles later when I realized that I didn't have money for the toll booth. (I made it home. And I honestly can't remember if I turned around and went the non-toll route or pulled over and searched the car for stray coins until I found enough to get me through.)
This year, when I hear the diet and debt consolidation commercials, I smile a little. I give all glory to God because we are way ahead of the game. I've written to the point of nausea about my weight loss journey this past year, so I'll spare you the repeat. I haven't written about the other thing going on in our lives.
Two weeks after Troy and I were married, we were faced with a situation that could have broken us. We had put earnest money down on a mobile home and a lot in Victoria, Texas where Troy had been hired to work at a factory. We had both quit our jobs in anticipation of the move. And then we got the phone call. The company that had hired Troy was reascending the offer because they were downsizing. Troy was devastated. I immediately went to the only source I knew, my heavenly Father. I prayed for understanding, wisdom, and peace. I cried for Troy, who didn't have this source of comfort at that time. I cried for our uncertain future. But when I finished praying, I knew that everything would be okay. I knew God had this under control. And He did. God moved us to the San Francisco Bay Area and the rest is our blessed history.
But during this transition, we had few financial resources. We basically had wedding gift money, credit cards, and a personal line of credit we opened to help with deposits and a few months of utilities until we could get on our feet. Through the years we were in a cycle of paying off, adding to, and paying off credit cards. But the line of credit was our nemesis. We would get it paid down and then something would happen that we needed to dip into it again.
This summer, we both felt God's prompting to get our debt under control. We discussed how God was working and made a commitment to pare down our spending habits in order to be obedient. We were able to pay off the small balance on our credit card almost immediately. In the midst of this pauper-like lifestyle, God also prompted Troy to return to seminary adding tuition and books to the mix. It has been hard, very hard. But it's also been a huge blessing. Over the past few months, God has provided in so, so many ways. He has miraculously provided our needs AND some of our wants.
This morning I made the LAST PAYMENT on the line of credit. Praise God!!!!! It has been only with His guidance and wisdom that we have been able to accomplish this.
I think from this moment on, every time I see a commercial about weight loss or money management, I'm going to stop and offer a prayer of praise and thanksgiving to God. That's my resolution.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
List Anxiety
I'm a "make a list" kind of girl. If I don't make a list, the tasks at hand start clouding my brain and seem much too overwhelming. I write all the tasks down. Somehow seeing them there in black and white (or whatever color I like to type with that day) make them a little less ominous.
I decided this year that I wanted to totally, without hesitation or remorse, enjoy to the -nth degree some part of the Christmas season. I have gushed in the previous post about my love for all things Christmas. However, I tend to overdo up to the very last second and then regret that I didn't slow down and smell the Christmas cookies. In order to accomplish a full 2 1/2 weeks of Christmas bliss, I planned to finish all stress inducing tasks by 12/12/12. I mean there are 12 months in a year. There were 12 tribes of Israel. There were 12 disciples. 12/12/12 seemed like the perfect "completion" of all my tasks.
I made a "Main To Do List" dated 11/26 through 12/12. I was quite proud of it. It was all red and green. In neat rows, and alternating colors. It started off great. I accomplished everything I wanted to accomplish the first few days. And then things started happening. Actually, God placed situations in my day that forced me to ask the inevitable WWJD? I would follow through with what the Holy Spirit was prompting and then I would come back to The List. I circled the tasks I did not accomplish that day and would draw an arrow to the next day.
After several days in a row of Holy interruptions, I've stopped asking WWJD and started asking, "Father, what do you want me to learn?" Here's the lesson God was trying to teach that I finally realized today: People are more important than a list, any list, even my MAIN LIST. The world will not be in danger because I failed to iron Troy's shirts today. But a non-believer may be in danger if I choose to follow my own agenda rather than showing them the love of Christ.
I looked at my list (on the fridge) this afternoon, crossed out, circled and arrowed, heaved a sigh of resignation, and stared at this:
I then prayed that the Holy Spirit would give me the focus, the strength, and the energy to accomplish it. I prayed that He would also give me a peace in understanding what mattered most.
Am I totally at peace yet? No. Am I wishing there were more hours in the day? Yes. Do I regret what God has taught me through this experience? Never.
So, as we rush through the holiday season, remember, people are more important than any list.
I decided this year that I wanted to totally, without hesitation or remorse, enjoy to the -nth degree some part of the Christmas season. I have gushed in the previous post about my love for all things Christmas. However, I tend to overdo up to the very last second and then regret that I didn't slow down and smell the Christmas cookies. In order to accomplish a full 2 1/2 weeks of Christmas bliss, I planned to finish all stress inducing tasks by 12/12/12. I mean there are 12 months in a year. There were 12 tribes of Israel. There were 12 disciples. 12/12/12 seemed like the perfect "completion" of all my tasks.
I made a "Main To Do List" dated 11/26 through 12/12. I was quite proud of it. It was all red and green. In neat rows, and alternating colors. It started off great. I accomplished everything I wanted to accomplish the first few days. And then things started happening. Actually, God placed situations in my day that forced me to ask the inevitable WWJD? I would follow through with what the Holy Spirit was prompting and then I would come back to The List. I circled the tasks I did not accomplish that day and would draw an arrow to the next day.
After several days in a row of Holy interruptions, I've stopped asking WWJD and started asking, "Father, what do you want me to learn?" Here's the lesson God was trying to teach that I finally realized today: People are more important than a list, any list, even my MAIN LIST. The world will not be in danger because I failed to iron Troy's shirts today. But a non-believer may be in danger if I choose to follow my own agenda rather than showing them the love of Christ.
I looked at my list (on the fridge) this afternoon, crossed out, circled and arrowed, heaved a sigh of resignation, and stared at this:
I then prayed that the Holy Spirit would give me the focus, the strength, and the energy to accomplish it. I prayed that He would also give me a peace in understanding what mattered most.
Am I totally at peace yet? No. Am I wishing there were more hours in the day? Yes. Do I regret what God has taught me through this experience? Never.
So, as we rush through the holiday season, remember, people are more important than any list.
Thursday, November 29, 2012
Fa-la-la-la-la...la-la-la-la
I LOVE the holiday season! Yes, the whole season. And everything about it.
The most important reason that I adore this season is that I love that the whole world is reminded (whether they choose to believe or not) that my Savior, Jesus Christ, left the glory of heaven to be born to a virgin in a stable.
My senses are in overdrive during this season. The visual delights abound with bright decorations and lights. LIGHTS! I absolutely adore Christmas lights! Gaudy or classy, I love them all. I turn into a small child when surrounded by night painted with dazzling electric color. Christmas wrapping paper and ribbon. Reds, greens, golds, silvers, blues,....
The sounds of Christmas....oh the sounds. The doorbell ringing to alert me of another package arriving at my door. Not gifts for me, but Amazon goodies ordered for others. It's almost as good as getting my own presents! And the Christmas music! Sacred or secular. I love it all! Most days from November 1st to December 25th, I have the music cranked up. (And, to be totally honest, I do have brief periods of time in June and July that I choose to listen to "Christmas Radio" on Pandora.) ....Okay, my close friends are going to say, "But what about those few songs that make you turn the station on the radio, or give a thumbs down on Pandora?" Yes, there are a few too-sappy-make-me-wanna-puke songs played during the Christmas season that I really, really don't like. They are few and far between and I will not mention the names in case they happen to be at the top of your play list.
The smells of Christmas baking. Cinnamon, sugar, chocolate, peppermint.....yummm,mmm,mmm! The inviting aroma of the gift shops. The evergreen scent that wafts around as I pass the fresh cut trees and garland outside my local grocery store.
Do I really need to mention the tastes of this season? Yes, yes I do! Peppermint mocha Coffee-mate Creamer. (I know that it is available year round, but I refuse to purchase it until now.) Starbuck's Cranberry Bliss Bars...I am fairly sure that this recipe was created in the Garden of Eden and passed down through the centuries. Christmas cookies. Admit it, the same cookie just doesn't taste the same when it's any other shape or sprinkled with non-Christmas colors.
There's an energy during this time of year. The hustle and bustle. The crispness in the air. I love it. Call me crazy, but I really, really do. This is the time of year that my house feels most like a home. I can come in from the cold to the enveloping warmth of my home and be surrounded by my favorite sights, sounds, smells, and tastes.
Celebrations are at an all time high this time of year. And because these celebrations combine everything I love about the season with a good dose of cheer and friendship, I bask in them.
So, I've gushed about my love for this time of the year. Now, I must get back to "decking the halls".
Merry Christmas!!!!!
The most important reason that I adore this season is that I love that the whole world is reminded (whether they choose to believe or not) that my Savior, Jesus Christ, left the glory of heaven to be born to a virgin in a stable.
My senses are in overdrive during this season. The visual delights abound with bright decorations and lights. LIGHTS! I absolutely adore Christmas lights! Gaudy or classy, I love them all. I turn into a small child when surrounded by night painted with dazzling electric color. Christmas wrapping paper and ribbon. Reds, greens, golds, silvers, blues,....
The sounds of Christmas....oh the sounds. The doorbell ringing to alert me of another package arriving at my door. Not gifts for me, but Amazon goodies ordered for others. It's almost as good as getting my own presents! And the Christmas music! Sacred or secular. I love it all! Most days from November 1st to December 25th, I have the music cranked up. (And, to be totally honest, I do have brief periods of time in June and July that I choose to listen to "Christmas Radio" on Pandora.) ....Okay, my close friends are going to say, "But what about those few songs that make you turn the station on the radio, or give a thumbs down on Pandora?" Yes, there are a few too-sappy-make-me-wanna-puke songs played during the Christmas season that I really, really don't like. They are few and far between and I will not mention the names in case they happen to be at the top of your play list.
The smells of Christmas baking. Cinnamon, sugar, chocolate, peppermint.....yummm,mmm,mmm! The inviting aroma of the gift shops. The evergreen scent that wafts around as I pass the fresh cut trees and garland outside my local grocery store.
Do I really need to mention the tastes of this season? Yes, yes I do! Peppermint mocha Coffee-mate Creamer. (I know that it is available year round, but I refuse to purchase it until now.) Starbuck's Cranberry Bliss Bars...I am fairly sure that this recipe was created in the Garden of Eden and passed down through the centuries. Christmas cookies. Admit it, the same cookie just doesn't taste the same when it's any other shape or sprinkled with non-Christmas colors.
There's an energy during this time of year. The hustle and bustle. The crispness in the air. I love it. Call me crazy, but I really, really do. This is the time of year that my house feels most like a home. I can come in from the cold to the enveloping warmth of my home and be surrounded by my favorite sights, sounds, smells, and tastes.
Celebrations are at an all time high this time of year. And because these celebrations combine everything I love about the season with a good dose of cheer and friendship, I bask in them.
So, I've gushed about my love for this time of the year. Now, I must get back to "decking the halls".
Merry Christmas!!!!!
Tuesday, October 23, 2012
Whew! I Needed That!
The past six weeks have been a struggle on the weight loss journey.
I felt like I was riding a 10-speed bicycle up Mount Everest on the lowest speed. I was still making progress (very slowly) but at the expense of wearing myself out by peddling as hard as I could!
Then last week it happened: I finally lost a significant amount of weight. And then this week I lost another significant amount.
I've lost 66 pounds since the end of January.
I look at that amount and am amazed by the way my Lord and Savior has worked in my life. Because in the end I know that it is only through His strength that I am able to bike up Mount Everest at all. And I know that when I feel like I'm about to give in to this stronghold, He gives my bicycle a little nudge to remind me He's there. That's all I need to keep going.
I felt like I was riding a 10-speed bicycle up Mount Everest on the lowest speed. I was still making progress (very slowly) but at the expense of wearing myself out by peddling as hard as I could!
Then last week it happened: I finally lost a significant amount of weight. And then this week I lost another significant amount.
I've lost 66 pounds since the end of January.
I look at that amount and am amazed by the way my Lord and Savior has worked in my life. Because in the end I know that it is only through His strength that I am able to bike up Mount Everest at all. And I know that when I feel like I'm about to give in to this stronghold, He gives my bicycle a little nudge to remind me He's there. That's all I need to keep going.
Monday, October 8, 2012
Slow and Steady
"Come on, Stephanie."
"Hurry up, Steph."
"You're lagging behind again."
"Keep up!"
"Faster, Stephanie, faster."
You've just read the soundtrack of my life. I was always the one lagging behind. I don't know why, really. Maybe because I don't care if I'm last. Too much pressure if you are always first. Someone may take first place away and then where would you be? I'd rather be last than second. :) No pressure in last place.
So, why am I pondering my slowness? Because it has caused me some grief as of late. I started Weight Watchers in January with the optimistic goal of losing an average of two pounds a week. I was a strict, will-power driven dieting machine. I lost that average of two pounds a week over the course of about six months and then the weight loss slowed to a crawl. Instead of losing pounds, I was losing motivation. My will-power was fading as the scale grudgingly gave up tenths of a pound each week.
During the past week, I've done some major soul searching. And praying. God pointed out that I had let the enemy tempt me into thinking I was doing all this in my own strength. Of course as soon as the enemy had convinced me of that, he also reminded me of all the times I had failed. Why would this time be any different? The Accuser had built his case, set his trap, was getting ready to lure me back into an unhealthy lifestyle. God reminded me that the initial reason I had finally decided to live healthier was in obedience to Him. So, if I was continuing this healthy lifestyle, I was still being obedient no matter what the scale said. He also reminded me that I am a unique individual that withers under self-induced pressure, but flourishes when I am allowed to just move at my own pace, slow and steady.
"Hurry up, Steph."
"You're lagging behind again."
"Keep up!"
"Faster, Stephanie, faster."
You've just read the soundtrack of my life. I was always the one lagging behind. I don't know why, really. Maybe because I don't care if I'm last. Too much pressure if you are always first. Someone may take first place away and then where would you be? I'd rather be last than second. :) No pressure in last place.
So, why am I pondering my slowness? Because it has caused me some grief as of late. I started Weight Watchers in January with the optimistic goal of losing an average of two pounds a week. I was a strict, will-power driven dieting machine. I lost that average of two pounds a week over the course of about six months and then the weight loss slowed to a crawl. Instead of losing pounds, I was losing motivation. My will-power was fading as the scale grudgingly gave up tenths of a pound each week.
During the past week, I've done some major soul searching. And praying. God pointed out that I had let the enemy tempt me into thinking I was doing all this in my own strength. Of course as soon as the enemy had convinced me of that, he also reminded me of all the times I had failed. Why would this time be any different? The Accuser had built his case, set his trap, was getting ready to lure me back into an unhealthy lifestyle. God reminded me that the initial reason I had finally decided to live healthier was in obedience to Him. So, if I was continuing this healthy lifestyle, I was still being obedient no matter what the scale said. He also reminded me that I am a unique individual that withers under self-induced pressure, but flourishes when I am allowed to just move at my own pace, slow and steady.
Friday, September 14, 2012
It Has a Story
We were in the middle of a budget meeting. Troy and I. We've learned that if we do not sit down and discuss our budget and financial plans once a month, one or both of us decide that we can spend more than we have. As we were crunching the numbers, we realized God had blessed us with more than we had anticipated. So the question arose, "Do we use it responsibly? Or do we use it for pleasure?"
I flippantly said, "Well, we could buy my solitaire."
Troy looked at me with such a serious expression and said, "Okay. Yes. We'll do that."
Almost ten years ago, September 23, 2002, Troy asked me to marry him. We were married on September 28, 2002. We gave "short engagement" a whole new meaning. In the flurry of the five days, one of the most important things to me was buying my ring. We opted to buy my ring at Zale's. I loved it when I saw it in the display case and couldn't believe how inexpensive it was. I only held it for a moment before it was whisked away to be sized. Three days later, my beautiful ring was ready for pick up. I immediately placed the "engagement" ring on my left ring finger and held it out to view in the brilliant September sun. Still gorgeous! It would look even more beautiful with the wedding band in a couple of days!
The next day I couldn't wait to get to work to show my co-workers my ring. As I held my left hand out under the florescent glare of the office lights, my heart sank. My beautiful ring was not a square cut diamond solitaire set in a yellow gold band with rows of tiny diamonds on each side. My ring was four very small diamonds in a square setting to imitate a square cut solitaire. My mind screamed, "It's not what I thought it was!" But I pasted on my smile and gushed about how wonderful it was and how excited I was for the upcoming ceremony.
Fast forward three months.
We are living in the San Francisco Bay area, in a third floor walk up studio apartment. I have no car, no job, no friends, and am about 3,000 miles away from family. I realize that marrying a man I had known for less than four months may not have been the best decision I had ever made. Adjustment to the new of EVERYTHING is not easy. Life was hard. There were days that I sat in the middle of ourapartment room, looked at my wedding ring, and cried, "It's not what I thought it was!"
But that's not the end. God had a plan. A good plan. He worked in our marriage in miraculous ways. Ways that I would not believe had I not witnessed them. At one point, Troy and I were holding hands and he held up my left hand and said, "I'm sorry the ring wasn't what you wanted."
I teasingly replied, "Well, if I stick it out for 10 years, I will deserve a solitaire."
"Yes, you will!"
We've talked about this solitaire purchase occasionally over the course of the last few years.
And here I was faced with the prospect of actually following through and replacing the setting of my little Zale's ring with what I always thought I wanted. Then I thought about the last ten years. I thought about the hard times when words were used as weapons. I thought about the easy times of feeling at home in the silence of each other's presence. I thought about the heart-wrenching times when what we wanted most just couldn't be. I thought about the joy filled times when I've said, "It can't possibly get better than this!" Marriage isn't what I thought it was. It's harder. It's better.
I looked down at my wedding ring, smiled, and sighed, "No, I don't want to replace this one. It has a story."
I flippantly said, "Well, we could buy my solitaire."
Troy looked at me with such a serious expression and said, "Okay. Yes. We'll do that."
Almost ten years ago, September 23, 2002, Troy asked me to marry him. We were married on September 28, 2002. We gave "short engagement" a whole new meaning. In the flurry of the five days, one of the most important things to me was buying my ring. We opted to buy my ring at Zale's. I loved it when I saw it in the display case and couldn't believe how inexpensive it was. I only held it for a moment before it was whisked away to be sized. Three days later, my beautiful ring was ready for pick up. I immediately placed the "engagement" ring on my left ring finger and held it out to view in the brilliant September sun. Still gorgeous! It would look even more beautiful with the wedding band in a couple of days!
The next day I couldn't wait to get to work to show my co-workers my ring. As I held my left hand out under the florescent glare of the office lights, my heart sank. My beautiful ring was not a square cut diamond solitaire set in a yellow gold band with rows of tiny diamonds on each side. My ring was four very small diamonds in a square setting to imitate a square cut solitaire. My mind screamed, "It's not what I thought it was!" But I pasted on my smile and gushed about how wonderful it was and how excited I was for the upcoming ceremony.
Fast forward three months.
We are living in the San Francisco Bay area, in a third floor walk up studio apartment. I have no car, no job, no friends, and am about 3,000 miles away from family. I realize that marrying a man I had known for less than four months may not have been the best decision I had ever made. Adjustment to the new of EVERYTHING is not easy. Life was hard. There were days that I sat in the middle of our
But that's not the end. God had a plan. A good plan. He worked in our marriage in miraculous ways. Ways that I would not believe had I not witnessed them. At one point, Troy and I were holding hands and he held up my left hand and said, "I'm sorry the ring wasn't what you wanted."
I teasingly replied, "Well, if I stick it out for 10 years, I will deserve a solitaire."
"Yes, you will!"
We've talked about this solitaire purchase occasionally over the course of the last few years.
And here I was faced with the prospect of actually following through and replacing the setting of my little Zale's ring with what I always thought I wanted. Then I thought about the last ten years. I thought about the hard times when words were used as weapons. I thought about the easy times of feeling at home in the silence of each other's presence. I thought about the heart-wrenching times when what we wanted most just couldn't be. I thought about the joy filled times when I've said, "It can't possibly get better than this!" Marriage isn't what I thought it was. It's harder. It's better.
I looked down at my wedding ring, smiled, and sighed, "No, I don't want to replace this one. It has a story."
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Because I Am
I sit here at 2:00am with my laptop. I can't sleep. I'm in Ouray, Colorado. My favorite place in the world and I can't sleep. But I'm not frustrated.
Because I am...
on vacation and I will be able to sleep whenever I want to without a set schedule.
So here I sit, surfing the web and pondering life. These late night, early morning hours bring the thoughts lingering in the back of mind to the forefront.
Last Sunday, God brought to light something in my character that I had tried to hide in the darkness of excuses. Excuses that would have been readily accepted by the world. Reprimand stings the ego. And my bruised ego needed a little time to heal. But then I thanked God for the discipline and asked that the Holy Spirit mold me to be more like Christ.
Because I am...
a loved, treasured child of a Heavenly Father who is holy, just, merciful, and good. He will prune away the fruitless branches of my being to shape me into the best me I can be on this side of heaven.
Did I mention that God used my husband to place that glaring spotlight on that which I thought I had covered so well? He did. I was so hurt and angry, but at the same time deeply ashamed because I had disappointed both Troy and God. I really wanted to lash out and verbally hurt him as much as he had hurt me. But I didn't. I just cried.
Because I am...
so blessed to have a husband who strives every day to be the kind of man God desires. Like God, he desires that I become more and more like Jesus. He takes his position as spiritual leader of our family to heart. For that I am eternally grateful.
Actually, in His amazing wisdom, God used Troy to make me aware of this sin and in the process also opened Troy's eyes to an area in his life that needed some pruning. We serve an amazing God.
So, it's now almost 3:00am and Troy just came into the living room of this amazing penthouse in which we are vacationing to tell me he can't sleep and is going to take a shower.
T. M. I. ALERT!!!!
I think I'll go join him.
Because I am....
married to a man I am passionately in love with and these are the moments that make vacations memorable.
Because I am...
on vacation and I will be able to sleep whenever I want to without a set schedule.
So here I sit, surfing the web and pondering life. These late night, early morning hours bring the thoughts lingering in the back of mind to the forefront.
Last Sunday, God brought to light something in my character that I had tried to hide in the darkness of excuses. Excuses that would have been readily accepted by the world. Reprimand stings the ego. And my bruised ego needed a little time to heal. But then I thanked God for the discipline and asked that the Holy Spirit mold me to be more like Christ.
Because I am...
a loved, treasured child of a Heavenly Father who is holy, just, merciful, and good. He will prune away the fruitless branches of my being to shape me into the best me I can be on this side of heaven.
Did I mention that God used my husband to place that glaring spotlight on that which I thought I had covered so well? He did. I was so hurt and angry, but at the same time deeply ashamed because I had disappointed both Troy and God. I really wanted to lash out and verbally hurt him as much as he had hurt me. But I didn't. I just cried.
Because I am...
so blessed to have a husband who strives every day to be the kind of man God desires. Like God, he desires that I become more and more like Jesus. He takes his position as spiritual leader of our family to heart. For that I am eternally grateful.
Actually, in His amazing wisdom, God used Troy to make me aware of this sin and in the process also opened Troy's eyes to an area in his life that needed some pruning. We serve an amazing God.
So, it's now almost 3:00am and Troy just came into the living room of this amazing penthouse in which we are vacationing to tell me he can't sleep and is going to take a shower.
T. M. I. ALERT!!!!
I think I'll go join him.
Because I am....
married to a man I am passionately in love with and these are the moments that make vacations memorable.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
Within Reach
I've become more disciplined in quiet time with my Lord and Savior again. I never fall out of love with the King of my life, but I am guilty of letting the day to day routine of life push out this precious time. The first couple of days I sat down again with prayer journal and bible open, I noticed that I just felt like my prayer was disjointed. I was distracted by sounds, thoughts, itches, bruises, to-do lists, EVERYTHING. I tried and tried to concentrate on the A.C.T.S. prayer. A=Adoration, C=Confession, T=Thanksgiving, S=Supplication. I found myself mentally checking off each letter. I talked to Troy about how I felt God was very distant in my prayer time. He asked how I was praying and I confessed that I was unfocused and just going through the motions. I emphasised that I had tried and tried to focus but to no avail. My very wise and nonjudgmental husband reminded me of the verse we had recently studied from Zechariah: "Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit," says the Lord Almighty. The next day, I started my prayer time with this verse. I didn't try to focus, I just thought about this verse. Then thoughts and reminders came to me: thoughts of adoration of my God, ways I had disappointed Him with my thoughts and actions, all the blessings He pours upon me, friends and family who needed prayer, my needs that could only be filled by my Lord. The Spirit had placed me within reach of the King of Kings. I could feel His presence with every fiber of my being.
One of the countless number of things I thank God for is His power and protection as I travel on this weight loss journey. I do find, again, that I try to be in control. Just when I should be praising God for empowering me to be healthier, I start obsessing about how I can work harder to get healthier sooner and better! Does that seem crazy to anyone but me? "Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit," says the Lord Almighty. This partial verse in Zechariah has become my personal mantra in so many areas of my life because I tend to forget who is in charge. And it's not me! Last week's weigh in was more important to me than any thus far. I had lost 55 pounds total. I'm on the downhill side to the first 100. It's a mental thing, I know. But thinking I have 45 pounds to lose until I hit the huge 100 mark is much easier to comprehend. I mean, I've already lost more than 45 pounds. What's 45 more? I've never questioned that this is the LAST time I travel this road, but now loosing 100 pounds isn't out of the question. It's within reach.
One of the countless number of things I thank God for is His power and protection as I travel on this weight loss journey. I do find, again, that I try to be in control. Just when I should be praising God for empowering me to be healthier, I start obsessing about how I can work harder to get healthier sooner and better! Does that seem crazy to anyone but me? "Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit," says the Lord Almighty. This partial verse in Zechariah has become my personal mantra in so many areas of my life because I tend to forget who is in charge. And it's not me! Last week's weigh in was more important to me than any thus far. I had lost 55 pounds total. I'm on the downhill side to the first 100. It's a mental thing, I know. But thinking I have 45 pounds to lose until I hit the huge 100 mark is much easier to comprehend. I mean, I've already lost more than 45 pounds. What's 45 more? I've never questioned that this is the LAST time I travel this road, but now loosing 100 pounds isn't out of the question. It's within reach.
Monday, August 13, 2012
Meet Lulu
Yes, she has a name. Actually her name was given to her by Schwinn, but I kind of like it, so Lulu it is! She's, as you can see, very girly and she sports a pretty pink basket on her handlebars. I loved her instantly and couldn't wait to bring her home.
This post may need a little back history.
Troy unknowingly has suffered with sleep apnea for quite some time. He now wears a mask at night attached to an APAP machine to help him sleep soundly. About two weeks ago, he realized that he still was feeling sluggish even though he was well rested. He came home from work one night and announced that he needed to be intentional about his exercise. This would not only improve his overall physical health, but would also allow him to work off some of the stress he feels from his job. He decided that he would like to buy a bicycle. (This coming from a man who gets frustrated trying to drive around bikers on the highway.) I was all for the idea and encouraged him to find a bike he liked. He came home with a Schwinn hybrid (?). The first day he rode for 15 minutes and was huffing and puffing when he was finished. But he's continued to ride for at least 15 minutes every day since.
Last Thursday, Troy asked if I would like to get a bike so that we could ride the bike trails around our neighborhood together. The thought had never crossed my mind! The last time I was on a bike was about 30 years ago. Could I still ride a bike? Was I too heavy for a bike? But I said, "Sure!" (Who am I to pass up a new toy?) So we went to Target and the rest is recent history....
The old saying is true, "It's just like riding a bike." It all came back to me. And yes, the bikes have weight limits, but I was under the weight limit by several pounds. Troy and I rode on Saturday for about 10 minutes and yesterday for about 15. I really enjoy riding with him and look forward to the day that I don't end my ride huffing and puffing.
Saturday, August 4, 2012
New Jeans
January 29, 2012:
I'm going to the theater to see "One For The Money" with friends. I have ONE pair of pants I can wear. Seriously, my closet is full of slacks and jeans, sizes ranging from 14-20 [these being the 'fat' jeans my friend gave me when she made a major weight change] and 26-28, and I have ONE pair of size 28 stretchy black slacks I can wear. (And they are stretched to the breaking point.) I've made the decision to start Weight Watchers on the 31st and am finally ready to make some major changes.
June 2012:
Finally able to move and breath in my size 26 jeans (28s are now too slouchy big).
July 2012:
The size 26 jeans are now too frumpy looking and my friend's former 'fat' jeans only go up to size 20. (Oh believe me, I have tried them on and can even get one pair zipped, but breathing wasn't an option.) So I have a gap between 26 and 20....MUST GO SHOPPING.
August 3, 2012:
Standing in the Lane Bryant dressing room in a pair of size 24 jeans. These are a bit on the baggy side! I asked the saleslady if they would shrink. She said (and I quote), "No, you need a smaller size!"
My heart SANG! I can't remember the last time in my life a saleswoman (or anyone for that matter) told me I needed a smaller size!!!!! So, I came home with a size 22. They are a bit snug, but they feel good. Really good, in so many ways.
I'm going to the theater to see "One For The Money" with friends. I have ONE pair of pants I can wear. Seriously, my closet is full of slacks and jeans, sizes ranging from 14-20 [these being the 'fat' jeans my friend gave me when she made a major weight change] and 26-28, and I have ONE pair of size 28 stretchy black slacks I can wear. (And they are stretched to the breaking point.) I've made the decision to start Weight Watchers on the 31st and am finally ready to make some major changes.
June 2012:
Finally able to move and breath in my size 26 jeans (28s are now too slouchy big).
July 2012:
The size 26 jeans are now too frumpy looking and my friend's former 'fat' jeans only go up to size 20. (Oh believe me, I have tried them on and can even get one pair zipped, but breathing wasn't an option.) So I have a gap between 26 and 20....MUST GO SHOPPING.
August 3, 2012:
Standing in the Lane Bryant dressing room in a pair of size 24 jeans. These are a bit on the baggy side! I asked the saleslady if they would shrink. She said (and I quote), "No, you need a smaller size!"
My heart SANG! I can't remember the last time in my life a saleswoman (or anyone for that matter) told me I needed a smaller size!!!!! So, I came home with a size 22. They are a bit snug, but they feel good. Really good, in so many ways.
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Mind Over Matter
Mind over matter. I've heard that phrase so many times. I actually experienced it the last couple of weeks.
Two weeks ago, before I was fully awake in the morning and before I would completely fall to sleep at night, I would start thinking, "291, 291, 291". This being the amount I would weigh if I lost two pounds during the next week. I was a little surprised at myself for mentally chanting this goal. Not something I've ever done before and didn't consciously do this time. It was a little weird.
I stood on the scale last Tuesday night and watched as the Weight Watcher recorder wrote "291" in the current weight box. Really???? Not 291.4 or 291.8? No, just 291 right on the dot. Wow! That's cool.
This past week, I thought, "Well, if with a little encouragement, I can motivate myself to work hard enough to lose two pounds, why not try three?" So, every morning and every night I consciously thought, "288, 288, 288". Last night I stepped on the scale and watched the recorder write "287.6" in the current weight box. I'm still a little shocked. I don't know if it's actually mind over matter or if it's the self talk needed to put in the extra effort. Very interesting.
I've now lost a total of 41 pounds. God is still working on me. And I'm so very thankful.
Two weeks ago, before I was fully awake in the morning and before I would completely fall to sleep at night, I would start thinking, "291, 291, 291". This being the amount I would weigh if I lost two pounds during the next week. I was a little surprised at myself for mentally chanting this goal. Not something I've ever done before and didn't consciously do this time. It was a little weird.
I stood on the scale last Tuesday night and watched as the Weight Watcher recorder wrote "291" in the current weight box. Really???? Not 291.4 or 291.8? No, just 291 right on the dot. Wow! That's cool.
This past week, I thought, "Well, if with a little encouragement, I can motivate myself to work hard enough to lose two pounds, why not try three?" So, every morning and every night I consciously thought, "288, 288, 288". Last night I stepped on the scale and watched the recorder write "287.6" in the current weight box. I'm still a little shocked. I don't know if it's actually mind over matter or if it's the self talk needed to put in the extra effort. Very interesting.
I've now lost a total of 41 pounds. God is still working on me. And I'm so very thankful.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Child, You Must Wait
I happened upon this poem tonight. I cannot find an author, so if you know who wrote it, please comment. I needed to read/hear this....
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait."
"Wait? You say, wait?!" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers. I need to know why!
Is Your hand shortened? Or have You not heard?
By faith I have asked and I'm claiming Your Word.
My future and all to which I can relate
Hang in the balance, and You tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.
Oh, Lord, I've been asking and this is my cry;
I'm weary of asking. I need a reply!"
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."
So I slumped in my chair defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, "So I'm waiting...for what?"
He seemed then, to kneel, and His eyes wept with mine,
And He tenderly said, 'I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun;
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
All you seek, I could give, and pleased you will be;
You would have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You would not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You would not know the power that I give to the faint.
You would not learn to see through the clouds of despair.
You would not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You would not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.
You'd never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove.
Sure, you'd known that I give and I save...(for a start),
But you would not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God Who makes what you have last...
You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for thee."
Yes, your dreams for yourself overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if I lost what I'm doing in you!
So, be silent, My child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though often My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious reply is still, "Child, you must wait!"
Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate,
And the Master so gently said, "Child, you must wait."
"Wait? You say, wait?!" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers. I need to know why!
Is Your hand shortened? Or have You not heard?
By faith I have asked and I'm claiming Your Word.
My future and all to which I can relate
Hang in the balance, and You tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.
Oh, Lord, I've been asking and this is my cry;
I'm weary of asking. I need a reply!"
Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."
So I slumped in my chair defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, "So I'm waiting...for what?"
He seemed then, to kneel, and His eyes wept with mine,
And He tenderly said, 'I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun;
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.
All you seek, I could give, and pleased you will be;
You would have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You would not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You would not know the power that I give to the faint.
You would not learn to see through the clouds of despair.
You would not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You would not know the joy of resting in Me
When darkness and silence are all you can see.
You'd never experience that fullness of love
As the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove.
Sure, you'd known that I give and I save...(for a start),
But you would not know the depth of the beat of My heart.
The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God Who makes what you have last...
You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that 'My grace is sufficient for thee."
Yes, your dreams for yourself overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if I lost what I'm doing in you!
So, be silent, My child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to get to know Me.
And though often My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious reply is still, "Child, you must wait!"
Thursday, May 24, 2012
No Rest For the Weary
What a day it turned out to be!
Troy had an appointment in downtown Denver with a sleep apnea specialist at 9:30am. I insisted on going along so that I could be fully informed about Troy's apparent sleep apnea. I also wanted to know exactly how the sleep mask (or apap) worked. We arrived WAY too early after allowing time for heavy traffic. So we waited, and waited, and waited.
Finally, the doctor informed us that Troy was having an average of 31 apnea episodes per hour. That means that his body and brain are basically waking up every two minutes because he's not breathing. Really?!?! Poor guy! So, we are now proud owners of an apap machine. The technician who taught us how to use and care for the new equipment said that this particular machine was a brand new, sleek version. "The Ferrari of the apap world," he said. And honestly, it's not horrible looking.
We spent the rest of the early afternoon having lunch at a favorite Chinese restaurant, browsing a Christian used book store, and having a cookie at a local bakery before returning home.
We arrived home at about 3:00pm because we were anticipating a delivery of a half ton of river cobble at about 4:00pm. Yes, a half ton. I wondered why Troy had ordered this amount. What were we going to do with 1000 pounds of 4 to 8 inch large rocks? I knew we needed to cover an area next to our patio with them, but that area was only about 5 feet long and 4 feet wide. It wouldn't take a half ton of rocks to do that. But Troy had plans for other parts of the yard.
Well, the half ton arrived. And this was it.....
Wow, a thousand pounds of rock seemed much more ominous than the little, dinky pile sitting in our drive way. This was a half ton? This? The young, very polite delivery guy told us that he was there when they weighed this load and he was a surprised at how little it was. We were disappointed and still feel that maybe we were taken advantage of, but we have no way of proving it. So, in the steady rain of the afternoon, we hauled 6 wheelbarrow loads of rock to the back yard and strategically placed them in the area next to the patio. A half ton of rock did not fill the 5x4 foot area, but we did the best we could and it does look rather nice. And it keeps a certain dog, whose initials are Leia, from digging in the dirt!
And the day wasn't over yet, no it wasn't.
Welcome to the first night of Troy versus The Machine! We "went to bed by day", as Robert Louis Stevenson so aptly expressed. It was only 8:15pm when we made our way upstairs. We normally will read a little before turning off the light, so it was about 8:45pm when round one began.
Troy is a trooper and started the night with high hopes of getting at least a little more sleep than before. I, on the other hand, remembered the technician saying that the body will reject the mask with a vengeance, much like an untrained horse with a saddle. I expected it to be a long, sleepless night. The technician told Troy to put the mask on every night but cautioned him to listen to his body. When the body said, "No more," the technician encouraged Troy to turn off the machine, remove the mask, and try again the next night.
8:45pm- While in a sitting position, Troy put the mask on and adjusted it so that it was comfortable.
8:50pm- After laying on his back, Troy adjusted the mask several more times.
9:30pm- More adjustment.
10:00pm- More adjustment. (loud velcro adjustable straps)
12:15am- Body said, "No More!" Mask off.
1:30am- Troy thought, "I can do this!" Mask on.
2:45am- Body enlisted help of anxious brain and said in unison, "We said, 'NO!'"...Mask off, Troy anxious and frustrated.
5:00am- Alarm.
Today, we are both feeling like a half ton of river cobble...heavy with sleeplessness and not adequate to do the task ahead of us.
Troy had an appointment in downtown Denver with a sleep apnea specialist at 9:30am. I insisted on going along so that I could be fully informed about Troy's apparent sleep apnea. I also wanted to know exactly how the sleep mask (or apap) worked. We arrived WAY too early after allowing time for heavy traffic. So we waited, and waited, and waited.
Finally, the doctor informed us that Troy was having an average of 31 apnea episodes per hour. That means that his body and brain are basically waking up every two minutes because he's not breathing. Really?!?! Poor guy! So, we are now proud owners of an apap machine. The technician who taught us how to use and care for the new equipment said that this particular machine was a brand new, sleek version. "The Ferrari of the apap world," he said. And honestly, it's not horrible looking.
We spent the rest of the early afternoon having lunch at a favorite Chinese restaurant, browsing a Christian used book store, and having a cookie at a local bakery before returning home.
We arrived home at about 3:00pm because we were anticipating a delivery of a half ton of river cobble at about 4:00pm. Yes, a half ton. I wondered why Troy had ordered this amount. What were we going to do with 1000 pounds of 4 to 8 inch large rocks? I knew we needed to cover an area next to our patio with them, but that area was only about 5 feet long and 4 feet wide. It wouldn't take a half ton of rocks to do that. But Troy had plans for other parts of the yard.
Well, the half ton arrived. And this was it.....
Wow, a thousand pounds of rock seemed much more ominous than the little, dinky pile sitting in our drive way. This was a half ton? This? The young, very polite delivery guy told us that he was there when they weighed this load and he was a surprised at how little it was. We were disappointed and still feel that maybe we were taken advantage of, but we have no way of proving it. So, in the steady rain of the afternoon, we hauled 6 wheelbarrow loads of rock to the back yard and strategically placed them in the area next to the patio. A half ton of rock did not fill the 5x4 foot area, but we did the best we could and it does look rather nice. And it keeps a certain dog, whose initials are Leia, from digging in the dirt!
And the day wasn't over yet, no it wasn't.
Welcome to the first night of Troy versus The Machine! We "went to bed by day", as Robert Louis Stevenson so aptly expressed. It was only 8:15pm when we made our way upstairs. We normally will read a little before turning off the light, so it was about 8:45pm when round one began.
Troy is a trooper and started the night with high hopes of getting at least a little more sleep than before. I, on the other hand, remembered the technician saying that the body will reject the mask with a vengeance, much like an untrained horse with a saddle. I expected it to be a long, sleepless night. The technician told Troy to put the mask on every night but cautioned him to listen to his body. When the body said, "No more," the technician encouraged Troy to turn off the machine, remove the mask, and try again the next night.
8:45pm- While in a sitting position, Troy put the mask on and adjusted it so that it was comfortable.
8:50pm- After laying on his back, Troy adjusted the mask several more times.
9:30pm- More adjustment.
10:00pm- More adjustment. (loud velcro adjustable straps)
12:15am- Body said, "No More!" Mask off.
1:30am- Troy thought, "I can do this!" Mask on.
2:45am- Body enlisted help of anxious brain and said in unison, "We said, 'NO!'"...Mask off, Troy anxious and frustrated.
5:00am- Alarm.
Today, we are both feeling like a half ton of river cobble...heavy with sleeplessness and not adequate to do the task ahead of us.
Monday, May 21, 2012
The Great Ploy
“Oh, this was the great ploy of Satan in that kingdom of his: to display such blatant evil one could almost believe one's own secret sin didn't matter.”
Corrie Ten Boom, The Hiding Place
Still is...
Corrie Ten Boom, The Hiding Place
Still is...
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Still Working
I stepped on the scale last night at the Weight Watchers meeting fully prepared to celebrate. I knew I had lost weight. I suspected I had lost several pounds. I was right. I broke through that 300 pound mark with flying colors. APPLAUSE!!!!
I actually now weigh 295 pounds. I know this may seem like a gigantic amount of weight to some reading this post. But at this point in my journey, 295 pounds sounds almost as good as 128 pounds. Really! Note that I said, "Almost as good." I feel energized, like ever nerve in my body is chanting, "Good Job. Good Job. Good Job."
Although I'm so proud of this accomplishment, I know that God is working on me inside and out as I move from day to day, one step at a time along this journey. All praise goes to Him and Him alone.
Music and singing is my favorite form of worship. When I sing to or about God I often find myself smiling from ear to ear or crying because my heart is overwhelmed with emotion. On any given morning, I wake up with a song in my head. This morning the song running through my head was He' Still Working On Me, a children's song I taught in vacation bible school. The lyrics are as follows: (sing along if you know it)
I actually now weigh 295 pounds. I know this may seem like a gigantic amount of weight to some reading this post. But at this point in my journey, 295 pounds sounds almost as good as 128 pounds. Really! Note that I said, "Almost as good." I feel energized, like ever nerve in my body is chanting, "Good Job. Good Job. Good Job."
Although I'm so proud of this accomplishment, I know that God is working on me inside and out as I move from day to day, one step at a time along this journey. All praise goes to Him and Him alone.
Music and singing is my favorite form of worship. When I sing to or about God I often find myself smiling from ear to ear or crying because my heart is overwhelmed with emotion. On any given morning, I wake up with a song in my head. This morning the song running through my head was He' Still Working On Me, a children's song I taught in vacation bible school. The lyrics are as follows: (sing along if you know it)
He's still working on me
To make me what I ought to be.
It took Him just a week to make the moon and stars,
Sun and Earth and Jupiter and Mars.
How loving and patient He must be.
He's still working on me.
There really ought be a sign upon my heart.
"Don't judge me yet, there's an unfinished part."
But I'll be perfect just according to His plan
Fashioned by the Master's loving hand.
In the mirror of His word, reflections that I see
Make me wonder why He never gave up on me.
He loves me as I am, and helps me when I pray.
Remember He's the potter, I'm the clay.
He's still working on meHe IS still working on me to make me what I ought to be. I love that He never gives up on me. I have confidence that He never will.
To make me what I ought to be.
It took Him just a week to make the moon and stars,
Sun and Earth and Jupiter and Mars.
How loving and patient He must be.
He's still working on me.
"Being confident of this very thing, that he who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6 (ASV)
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Pass the Pigs
No, this is not a post about my dieting endeavors...although that's a clever title.
"Pass the Pigs" is a phrase that I have never heard in my entire life. But apparently, it's popular enough to make the list of the game Catch Phrase. I looked it up online and found that "pass the pigs" is a game played with dice shaped pigs. So there you have it.
Really, did you think I would end there?
Troy and I have new neighbors across the street. They are a very young couple with an adorable nine month old baby girl. Their names are Clayton, Brianna, and little Aurora. We met them the day they moved in and they have quickly made their way onto our list of favorite people.
Last night, we were invited to their house for dinner. (Brianna even added up all the Weight Watcher points and texted me the total so that I could plan accordingly! See why she's made the list?) After a wonderful dinner with delightful conversation, we decided to play Catch Phrase before dessert. Girls against Guys.
It never fails. The team I'm NOT on gets phrases like "light switch" while my team is handed "a farewell to arms" to guess. So, it was Brianna's turn to give clues while I tried to guess the phrase on the electronic game in her hands. She gave great clues which led me to say "pass the pigs" ?????????
"Yes!" she shouted before handing the game to Clayton. We both looked at each other as I mouthed, "Pass the pigs?" and she lifted her eyebrows and shrugged her shoulders.
It was one of those priceless, funny moments that you wish could be captured on film. Since I wasn't filming the game, I decided to capture it in a blog post. I know that in years to come I will read this post and smile, remembering those sweet moments of budding friendships.
"Pass the Pigs" is a phrase that I have never heard in my entire life. But apparently, it's popular enough to make the list of the game Catch Phrase. I looked it up online and found that "pass the pigs" is a game played with dice shaped pigs. So there you have it.
Really, did you think I would end there?
Troy and I have new neighbors across the street. They are a very young couple with an adorable nine month old baby girl. Their names are Clayton, Brianna, and little Aurora. We met them the day they moved in and they have quickly made their way onto our list of favorite people.
Last night, we were invited to their house for dinner. (Brianna even added up all the Weight Watcher points and texted me the total so that I could plan accordingly! See why she's made the list?) After a wonderful dinner with delightful conversation, we decided to play Catch Phrase before dessert. Girls against Guys.
It never fails. The team I'm NOT on gets phrases like "light switch" while my team is handed "a farewell to arms" to guess. So, it was Brianna's turn to give clues while I tried to guess the phrase on the electronic game in her hands. She gave great clues which led me to say "pass the pigs" ?????????
"Yes!" she shouted before handing the game to Clayton. We both looked at each other as I mouthed, "Pass the pigs?" and she lifted her eyebrows and shrugged her shoulders.
It was one of those priceless, funny moments that you wish could be captured on film. Since I wasn't filming the game, I decided to capture it in a blog post. I know that in years to come I will read this post and smile, remembering those sweet moments of budding friendships.
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Almost There
I heard a comedian, I think it might have been Jerry Seinfeld, say that he loves being "next in line". The anticipation is wonderful. "In fact," he stated, "Sometimes when it's my turn, I'll let the person behind me go ahead just so I can continue to be 'next in line'!"
I don't feel like that at all right now. I am two pounds away from my first major goal...which is to be below 300 lbs. Yes. Yes, I just now told you how much I weigh. You read it right. Basically, I got over the whole "not-telling-anyone-how-much-gravitational-pull-the-earth-has-on-my-body" a while ago. I figure anyone with eyes can see that I weigh more than 120 lbs. So, why keep it a secret. And that number doesn't define who I am. But that number DOES represent my life-long battle with weight. Mostly, it represents my failures.
I worked HARD last week. I am not going to repeat those failures! I pushed through cravings and hunger and laziness. I did a lot of self talk and a lot of God talk. I played a lot of Hungry Games. When I stepped on the scale last night, I was confident I had lost weight. And I was thrilled to see I had lost 5.2 pounds! So, so proud of me!
I'm so close to the first major goal. I can see it, I can feel it. I'm almost there!
I don't feel like that at all right now. I am two pounds away from my first major goal...which is to be below 300 lbs. Yes. Yes, I just now told you how much I weigh. You read it right. Basically, I got over the whole "not-telling-anyone-how-much-gravitational-pull-the-earth-has-on-my-body" a while ago. I figure anyone with eyes can see that I weigh more than 120 lbs. So, why keep it a secret. And that number doesn't define who I am. But that number DOES represent my life-long battle with weight. Mostly, it represents my failures.
I worked HARD last week. I am not going to repeat those failures! I pushed through cravings and hunger and laziness. I did a lot of self talk and a lot of God talk. I played a lot of Hungry Games. When I stepped on the scale last night, I was confident I had lost weight. And I was thrilled to see I had lost 5.2 pounds! So, so proud of me!
I'm so close to the first major goal. I can see it, I can feel it. I'm almost there!
Friday, April 27, 2012
Hungry Games
Excuse me while I giggle a little at the wittiness of my title. ;)
My days have been linked with hours, even minutes, of hungry games lately. I don't know what has happened, but my brain and my stomach have apparently joined forces to sabotage my weight loss goals. I'm eating the correct amount of food, but find that I'm hungry about 15 minutes after I eat! That's when I start the "games".
My first game is "Pinterest The Hunger On the Back Burner". This game is super enjoyable and involves little skill. I simply sit at my desk (far away from food) and sip flavored water while perusing the pages of Pinterest. The second game is "Hide and Not Seek". This particular game involves some pre-planning. The goal is to not see any tempting food when I open the pantry door. I've put the menacing snacks behind the cans of diced tomatoes and towering boxes of oatmeal. The third game is simply named, "Carrot Land". The strategy is to make my brain and stomach believe that if I can't handle the hunger for one more minute, the carrots in the fridge are my only option. This game seems to work amazingly well. The last game I play is called "Rolo Polo". This option is only used as a last resort. It involves remembering my goals, short and long term, and making a conscious decision not to feel like a Rolo Polo ever again.
Who says dieting isn't all fun and games?!
My days have been linked with hours, even minutes, of hungry games lately. I don't know what has happened, but my brain and my stomach have apparently joined forces to sabotage my weight loss goals. I'm eating the correct amount of food, but find that I'm hungry about 15 minutes after I eat! That's when I start the "games".
My first game is "Pinterest The Hunger On the Back Burner". This game is super enjoyable and involves little skill. I simply sit at my desk (far away from food) and sip flavored water while perusing the pages of Pinterest. The second game is "Hide and Not Seek". This particular game involves some pre-planning. The goal is to not see any tempting food when I open the pantry door. I've put the menacing snacks behind the cans of diced tomatoes and towering boxes of oatmeal. The third game is simply named, "Carrot Land". The strategy is to make my brain and stomach believe that if I can't handle the hunger for one more minute, the carrots in the fridge are my only option. This game seems to work amazingly well. The last game I play is called "Rolo Polo". This option is only used as a last resort. It involves remembering my goals, short and long term, and making a conscious decision not to feel like a Rolo Polo ever again.
Who says dieting isn't all fun and games?!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
God is God and I am Not
My close friends and family will undoubtedly nod in agreement when I say, "My mind is in a chaotic whirlwind right now." I've journaled, prayed, daydreamed, and lain
awake at night thinking about the possible scenarios. Unfortunately, nothing is settled and it's not public knowledge, so.....
You may be wondering why I even started this post in this ambiguous, cryptic, vague way. Because that's how I'm feeling lately, that's why! :)
I haven't posted much in the last few days because this non-public, undecided THING is forefront in my mind. And to tell you the truth, I wouldn't know what to write about it because I don't know what's going to happen.....which leads me to the title of this post. (Finally, huh?)
A quote I read recently stated, "To trust in God, you must also trust in His timing." Of all the things I've learned about my Lord and Savior, this lesson alone has been the hardest. I haven't mastered it, but He hasn't given up on me and continues to present me with life lessons designed to strengthen this area of trust. I absolutely, without a doubt know that God is in control. I have a peace that "passeth all understanding" in knowing He has every detail of my life in His hands.
Whatever God has planned for me, I'm game. I just want to know what it is.
Wow, God just spoke to my heart as I wrote that last sentence.
He said, "Do you really want to know all I have planned for you?"
And my heart said, "No."
Do I really want to know the course my life will take? The heartaches that are inevitable? The very moments I will be amazed by my Creator's love for me?
No. I don't.
So, I will wait [with expectation] upon the Lord. He is God and I am Not.
Blessed be the Name of the Lord!
awake at night thinking about the possible scenarios. Unfortunately, nothing is settled and it's not public knowledge, so.....
You may be wondering why I even started this post in this ambiguous, cryptic, vague way. Because that's how I'm feeling lately, that's why! :)
I haven't posted much in the last few days because this non-public, undecided THING is forefront in my mind. And to tell you the truth, I wouldn't know what to write about it because I don't know what's going to happen.....which leads me to the title of this post. (Finally, huh?)
A quote I read recently stated, "To trust in God, you must also trust in His timing." Of all the things I've learned about my Lord and Savior, this lesson alone has been the hardest. I haven't mastered it, but He hasn't given up on me and continues to present me with life lessons designed to strengthen this area of trust. I absolutely, without a doubt know that God is in control. I have a peace that "passeth all understanding" in knowing He has every detail of my life in His hands.
Whatever God has planned for me, I'm game. I just want to know what it is.
Wow, God just spoke to my heart as I wrote that last sentence.
He said, "Do you really want to know all I have planned for you?"
And my heart said, "No."
Do I really want to know the course my life will take? The heartaches that are inevitable? The very moments I will be amazed by my Creator's love for me?
No. I don't.
So, I will wait [with expectation] upon the Lord. He is God and I am Not.
Blessed be the Name of the Lord!
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Five Point Four Pounds of Tears
It's been a bad few days.
It actually started Saturday night.
No, it started on Thursday when I decided to snack all day. I used more than half of the "extra" Weight Watcher points I'm allotted for the week. I blamed it on that time of the month, but I just wanted to snack. I didn't cheat. I promise. But, never the less, those points were not available to me for the weekend (like I intended).
Okay, now for Saturday night. We went out on date night (the reason I usually save the extra points) to Red Robin. I spent a good part of the afternoon perusing their menu to find food that I could eat on my limited "budget". Finally, I decided on a Grilled Turkey Burger with Steak Fries and Fat Free Ranch Dressing (to dip the fries in, duh!) We arrived and were seated at a half booth/half table.
I have over the past year, been comforted and reassured by God that He has plans for my future that do not involve children. And I have reconciled those empty feelings. But sometimes that yearning, that deep, deep desire for children floods my heart again. I've been drowning in that sea for a few days only keeping afloat in His promise.
So, Saturday night, I was the unwilling participate in a downward spiral that started with feeling like the jolly fat giant surrounded by adorable children I could look at but couldn't parent. It ended in bed with a tear soaked pillow.
Sunday, I awoke feeling battle weary, but not defeated. God always uses the worship music to soothe my troubled heart. But as the day wore on, I could feel the tears welling up in my soul, threatening to burst through. And they did.
All this time, the only thing I wanted to do was retreat to a familiar, comfortable place. A place where I was numb and didn't have to deal with the pain. The pain of not fitting in a normal seat, the searing pain of feeling that if I had not been so overweight when we were trying to get pregnant, that I would have conceived. The pain of knowing that I still have such a long journey ahead of me before I can walk into a restaurant, movie theater, airplane, bathroom stall without thinking about the width. I wanted numbness......comfort food. I wanted salt, bread, and butter all rolled together in numbing deliciousness.
But, I didn't retreat. I met that pain head on. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. I sobbed until my eyes were almost swollen shut. I begged God to forgive me for my gluttony, my unbelief, and my ungratefulness. And He did. But more importantly, He let me cry. He let me wash the wounds with my tears. He didn't take away the pain, because I need to remember the consequences of my sin so that I don't jump right back into them again. But through that excruciating pain, I saw victory. I didn't retreat. I stood my ground. God made sure of that.
Tonight, I stood on the scale awaiting the verdict. I didn't care what the scale said. I knew I had won this battle and it gave me the courage to think I just might win the war.
I lost 5.4 pounds this week. Five point four. I'm building an alter to God at this point in my journey. I'm naming it "5.4 Pounds of Tears" and when I face the demons of regret and shame again, I'll remember these 5.4 pounds of tears. God is good ALL THE TIME! Especially in the midst of battle.
181 pounds and 91 weeks to go.
It actually started Saturday night.
No, it started on Thursday when I decided to snack all day. I used more than half of the "extra" Weight Watcher points I'm allotted for the week. I blamed it on that time of the month, but I just wanted to snack. I didn't cheat. I promise. But, never the less, those points were not available to me for the weekend (like I intended).
Okay, now for Saturday night. We went out on date night (the reason I usually save the extra points) to Red Robin. I spent a good part of the afternoon perusing their menu to find food that I could eat on my limited "budget". Finally, I decided on a Grilled Turkey Burger with Steak Fries and Fat Free Ranch Dressing (to dip the fries in, duh!) We arrived and were seated at a half booth/half table.
Let me jump in here and give you some insight into the mind of a morbidly obese person. I am terrified of new restaurants because they might not have tables, and booths simply are too tight a squeeze. The meal looses all it's enjoyment when the table is pressing into my stomach. The other scary situation is if the chairs at the table have arms. Most of the time, I don't fit into those chairs. I know you might think these obstacles might make me stay at home. They did a lot. And when we would go out, I would make sure it was to a familiar restaurant and I would ask to be seated at a table. Another thing that happens that I am painfully aware of is that I have lots of extra padding on my seat, so when I sit, I sit "tall" and unless I'm sitting at a table with someone who has a taller torso (like my husband), I feel like a big, fat giant.So we were seated and Troy asked if he could sit in the booth side so that he could watch basketball on the TV. (Yep, it's date night.) As soon as he sat down, I remembered why I liked sitting on the booth side. It sits low, which made Troy shorter than me when he sat. I was uncomfortable from the start. Because we asked to be seated at a table we were surrounded by young families with children (who need high chairs hence a table rather than a booth).
I have over the past year, been comforted and reassured by God that He has plans for my future that do not involve children. And I have reconciled those empty feelings. But sometimes that yearning, that deep, deep desire for children floods my heart again. I've been drowning in that sea for a few days only keeping afloat in His promise.
So, Saturday night, I was the unwilling participate in a downward spiral that started with feeling like the jolly fat giant surrounded by adorable children I could look at but couldn't parent. It ended in bed with a tear soaked pillow.
Sunday, I awoke feeling battle weary, but not defeated. God always uses the worship music to soothe my troubled heart. But as the day wore on, I could feel the tears welling up in my soul, threatening to burst through. And they did.
All this time, the only thing I wanted to do was retreat to a familiar, comfortable place. A place where I was numb and didn't have to deal with the pain. The pain of not fitting in a normal seat, the searing pain of feeling that if I had not been so overweight when we were trying to get pregnant, that I would have conceived. The pain of knowing that I still have such a long journey ahead of me before I can walk into a restaurant, movie theater, airplane, bathroom stall without thinking about the width. I wanted numbness......comfort food. I wanted salt, bread, and butter all rolled together in numbing deliciousness.
But, I didn't retreat. I met that pain head on. I cried until I couldn't cry anymore. I sobbed until my eyes were almost swollen shut. I begged God to forgive me for my gluttony, my unbelief, and my ungratefulness. And He did. But more importantly, He let me cry. He let me wash the wounds with my tears. He didn't take away the pain, because I need to remember the consequences of my sin so that I don't jump right back into them again. But through that excruciating pain, I saw victory. I didn't retreat. I stood my ground. God made sure of that.
Tonight, I stood on the scale awaiting the verdict. I didn't care what the scale said. I knew I had won this battle and it gave me the courage to think I just might win the war.
I lost 5.4 pounds this week. Five point four. I'm building an alter to God at this point in my journey. I'm naming it "5.4 Pounds of Tears" and when I face the demons of regret and shame again, I'll remember these 5.4 pounds of tears. God is good ALL THE TIME! Especially in the midst of battle.
181 pounds and 91 weeks to go.
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
From My Perspective
Opening my refrigerator gave me the idea for this post. Sort of.
I opened my fridge and saw the Laughing Cow Spreadable Cheese Wedges I bought Saturday on the shelf waiting to be opened. Then I noticed the flavor..."Light French Onion". But I meant to get "Light Creamy Swiss".
Story of my life: "But I meant to buy....", "I thought it said...", "Wow, I read that wrong...!"
About four years ago, I realized that my eyes don't work correctly sometimes. I found this out purely by accident. I worked at Sylvan Learning Center and decided to participate in a screening which recorded the movement of my eyes while reading. The screening indicated that my left eye "shut down" and stopped relaying information to my brain often as I read and made the right eye do all the work.
When a person with normal vision reads, both eyes scan the first few letters of the word, the brain completes the word and the eyes move on to the next word before finishing the whole initial word. If the person finishes the sentence or phrase and is confused about the meaning, He/she will quickly look back and correct the mis-read word. For example, if the person reads the sentence, "He loved her with all his heart," as "He loved her with all his heard," they would know to go back and make the correction. When both eyes are not working toward the same end, the brain more often then not mis-reads the word or will exchange letters/words from the line of words above or below.
I write all this to say, it's not carelessness that stocks our pantry and refrigerator with unintentionally purchased items. I usually am able to come home from a day of grocery shopping with correct purchases, but at least once a month, as I'm unpacking the bags, I notice I bought something I didn't intend to buy. Usually, just the wrong flavor, salt content, fat percentage. It's like the word-filled aisles of Wal-mart are overwhelming and my left eye says, "Okay, I'm done," especially if I'm looking back and forth between the product on the shelf and the coupon in my hand.
The fact that my left eye is hesitant to work sometimes also affects my depth perception. Now that I'm aware, I very seldom gripe at Troy about his driving. For years, I thought he was tail-gating. Turns out, the cars in front of us appeared to me much closer than they actually were. Sorry, Troy. This little vision issue makes me a super cautious driver because my perception is that I'm too close to a car when, in fact, another car could probably fit comfortably between us.
So, if you ever throw something toward me and expect me to catch it. I won't. If I ever ride with you and you notice I'm searching for the imaginary brake on the passenger side of the car, don't take it personally. And If I'm ever reading to you and make several pauses, please don't stop listening. I'm just making sure that the word is actually "heart" and not "heard".
I opened my fridge and saw the Laughing Cow Spreadable Cheese Wedges I bought Saturday on the shelf waiting to be opened. Then I noticed the flavor..."Light French Onion". But I meant to get "Light Creamy Swiss".
Story of my life: "But I meant to buy....", "I thought it said...", "Wow, I read that wrong...!"
About four years ago, I realized that my eyes don't work correctly sometimes. I found this out purely by accident. I worked at Sylvan Learning Center and decided to participate in a screening which recorded the movement of my eyes while reading. The screening indicated that my left eye "shut down" and stopped relaying information to my brain often as I read and made the right eye do all the work.
When a person with normal vision reads, both eyes scan the first few letters of the word, the brain completes the word and the eyes move on to the next word before finishing the whole initial word. If the person finishes the sentence or phrase and is confused about the meaning, He/she will quickly look back and correct the mis-read word. For example, if the person reads the sentence, "He loved her with all his heart," as "He loved her with all his heard," they would know to go back and make the correction. When both eyes are not working toward the same end, the brain more often then not mis-reads the word or will exchange letters/words from the line of words above or below.
I write all this to say, it's not carelessness that stocks our pantry and refrigerator with unintentionally purchased items. I usually am able to come home from a day of grocery shopping with correct purchases, but at least once a month, as I'm unpacking the bags, I notice I bought something I didn't intend to buy. Usually, just the wrong flavor, salt content, fat percentage. It's like the word-filled aisles of Wal-mart are overwhelming and my left eye says, "Okay, I'm done," especially if I'm looking back and forth between the product on the shelf and the coupon in my hand.
The fact that my left eye is hesitant to work sometimes also affects my depth perception. Now that I'm aware, I very seldom gripe at Troy about his driving. For years, I thought he was tail-gating. Turns out, the cars in front of us appeared to me much closer than they actually were. Sorry, Troy. This little vision issue makes me a super cautious driver because my perception is that I'm too close to a car when, in fact, another car could probably fit comfortably between us.
So, if you ever throw something toward me and expect me to catch it. I won't. If I ever ride with you and you notice I'm searching for the imaginary brake on the passenger side of the car, don't take it personally. And If I'm ever reading to you and make several pauses, please don't stop listening. I'm just making sure that the word is actually "heart" and not "heard".
Now, I Can Breath Easy
Well, it happened. I had my first gain and let me tell you I gained GOOD! I gained 4.6 pounds! Ya' know, if you're gonna do it, do it up right!
Actually, I'm not as freaked out as I thought I would be. Oh, I know, I write about understanding I'll gain sometimes. I talk the talk of realizing that gaining and maintaining are sometimes part of the plan. But when it comes right down to it, the last thing I wanted to do was take four steps back on my 200 step journey.
I was a little concerned as I stepped on the scale tonight. In fact, I've been concerned over the past few days. I just didn't feel lighter, I actually felt heavier. I was concerned with a "gain" looking at me, I might just throw my hands in the air and give up.
But I'm really fine. Really.
I charted my gain on my chart and realized that for the first time since my starting weight on January 31, the pink path of progress and my journey's path met. So, I'm exactly where I planned to be on March 6! *Huge Smile*
191 lbs and 95 weeks to go!
Actually, I'm not as freaked out as I thought I would be. Oh, I know, I write about understanding I'll gain sometimes. I talk the talk of realizing that gaining and maintaining are sometimes part of the plan. But when it comes right down to it, the last thing I wanted to do was take four steps back on my 200 step journey.
I was a little concerned as I stepped on the scale tonight. In fact, I've been concerned over the past few days. I just didn't feel lighter, I actually felt heavier. I was concerned with a "gain" looking at me, I might just throw my hands in the air and give up.
But I'm really fine. Really.
I charted my gain on my chart and realized that for the first time since my starting weight on January 31, the pink path of progress and my journey's path met. So, I'm exactly where I planned to be on March 6! *Huge Smile*
191 lbs and 95 weeks to go!
Monday, February 27, 2012
A Box of Chocolates
Go ahead. Do your best Forrest Gump impression and get it out of the way. :)
I'm in no way a chocoholic. I like chocolate, but only in specific ways. I almost gave you a list of chocolate items I like, but I think it will be easier to list the types of chocolate I can pass by. I'm not a fan of dark or white chocolate (unless we're talking White Mocha Latte from Starbucks). Give me a good milk chocolate and I'm a happy girl. Chocolate cake, chocolate pie, and chocolate pudding do not whet my appetite, although I am fond of chocolate frosting.
I like milk chocolate when molded into a solid, such as M & M's, or Dove chocolates, or my all time favorite chocolate candy in the entire universe: (drum roll please)...Cadbury Mini Eggs!!!!!!! I also like milk chocolate wrapped around a decadent center of caramel, coconut filling, toffee, or any kind of nut.
Why at this time in my life am I discussing these calorie laden morsels of delight? Because every afternoon at 3:00, I enjoy a decadent little ritual. I open the pantry door and pull out a box of chocolates. I lift the lid and enjoy the sweet smell. I then pick out three candies to eat as my afternoon snack. Yes, yes I do.
Three chocolates add up to six points in the Weight Watcher system. They are the best 6 points I have all day. I say this not only because they taste so darn good, but these six points of chocolate help me feel normal. Normal because I don't have to feel guilty while eating them. Normal because I can enjoy the taste without worrying about where the calories are going (I've already accounted for them). These three pieces of chocolate also make me feel pampered. Who else do you know who puts a box of chocolates on their grocery shopping list every month? ;)
So, today at 3:00 pm Mountain Time, you know what I'll be doing.....
I'm in no way a chocoholic. I like chocolate, but only in specific ways. I almost gave you a list of chocolate items I like, but I think it will be easier to list the types of chocolate I can pass by. I'm not a fan of dark or white chocolate (unless we're talking White Mocha Latte from Starbucks). Give me a good milk chocolate and I'm a happy girl. Chocolate cake, chocolate pie, and chocolate pudding do not whet my appetite, although I am fond of chocolate frosting.
I like milk chocolate when molded into a solid, such as M & M's, or Dove chocolates, or my all time favorite chocolate candy in the entire universe: (drum roll please)...Cadbury Mini Eggs!!!!!!! I also like milk chocolate wrapped around a decadent center of caramel, coconut filling, toffee, or any kind of nut.
Why at this time in my life am I discussing these calorie laden morsels of delight? Because every afternoon at 3:00, I enjoy a decadent little ritual. I open the pantry door and pull out a box of chocolates. I lift the lid and enjoy the sweet smell. I then pick out three candies to eat as my afternoon snack. Yes, yes I do.
Three chocolates add up to six points in the Weight Watcher system. They are the best 6 points I have all day. I say this not only because they taste so darn good, but these six points of chocolate help me feel normal. Normal because I don't have to feel guilty while eating them. Normal because I can enjoy the taste without worrying about where the calories are going (I've already accounted for them). These three pieces of chocolate also make me feel pampered. Who else do you know who puts a box of chocolates on their grocery shopping list every month? ;)
So, today at 3:00 pm Mountain Time, you know what I'll be doing.....
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
The Chart
I have the mother of long term goals looming in my brain all day, every day. Lose 200 pounds. That's huge! (Pun intended.) It seems too overwhelming to comprehend, much less accomplish.
On February 1, I sat down at my computer and made a "success" chart. Across the top, I labeled the dates of 100 Tuesdays. I numbered the left side from 1 to 200. Then I wrote my official January 31, 2012 weight at the very tip top left corner. This took a mammoth chunk of time to build, print, and tape. It made me realize that if the project of building the chart to track my successes took this long, imagine how long the actual work to make these successes happen was going to take. But, I didn't stop there.
I made little hash marks at each 5 pound mark along the side. These are hash marks for celebration. I also labeled bench marks along the "pounds lost" side that are important to me. For example....I haven't weighed less than 270 pounds in 10 years, since Troy and I were married. I got really, really close in 2007/2008 when I finally starved myself down to 273, but I never broke through that elusive barrier. So, that bench mark will be celebrated with much fan fare!
Basically, I've broken down my huge long term goal into many, many smaller ones. Some obvious, others only to me. But, I didn't stop there.
I made a diagonal pink line from the tip top left side of the chart all the way across to the very bottom point of the right side, indicating the progression of weight loss if I were to lose two pounds a week over the course of 100 weeks. I just needed to see the path. I honestly don't plan to stick to the path, I plan to meander around it. Enjoying myself along the way, stopping to smell the roses. Running ahead so that I can look back and admire it. Even though I don't plan to stay on it, I imagine my path and the pink straight path will cross every now and again. Maybe I'll even walk along it during this journey. I don't know. I do know that it's there making solid, smooth progression and that's comforting.
I'm currently ahead of the pink path by six pounds. I've lost 12.4 pounds in three weeks. Allow me to pause here so I can turn around and look at the pink path, and stick my tongue out. :) I know she will catch up with me at some point and possibly even pass me at times, but right now, at this moment, I'm totally swept up in my victory.
On February 1, I sat down at my computer and made a "success" chart. Across the top, I labeled the dates of 100 Tuesdays. I numbered the left side from 1 to 200. Then I wrote my official January 31, 2012 weight at the very tip top left corner. This took a mammoth chunk of time to build, print, and tape. It made me realize that if the project of building the chart to track my successes took this long, imagine how long the actual work to make these successes happen was going to take. But, I didn't stop there.
I made little hash marks at each 5 pound mark along the side. These are hash marks for celebration. I also labeled bench marks along the "pounds lost" side that are important to me. For example....I haven't weighed less than 270 pounds in 10 years, since Troy and I were married. I got really, really close in 2007/2008 when I finally starved myself down to 273, but I never broke through that elusive barrier. So, that bench mark will be celebrated with much fan fare!
Basically, I've broken down my huge long term goal into many, many smaller ones. Some obvious, others only to me. But, I didn't stop there.
I made a diagonal pink line from the tip top left side of the chart all the way across to the very bottom point of the right side, indicating the progression of weight loss if I were to lose two pounds a week over the course of 100 weeks. I just needed to see the path. I honestly don't plan to stick to the path, I plan to meander around it. Enjoying myself along the way, stopping to smell the roses. Running ahead so that I can look back and admire it. Even though I don't plan to stay on it, I imagine my path and the pink straight path will cross every now and again. Maybe I'll even walk along it during this journey. I don't know. I do know that it's there making solid, smooth progression and that's comforting.
 |
| The Mega-Chart |
I'm currently ahead of the pink path by six pounds. I've lost 12.4 pounds in three weeks. Allow me to pause here so I can turn around and look at the pink path, and stick my tongue out. :) I know she will catch up with me at some point and possibly even pass me at times, but right now, at this moment, I'm totally swept up in my victory.
188 pounds and 97 weeks to go!
Friday, February 17, 2012
Untitled Post...
I'm having such a hard time deciding how to title this post....
We All Have Our Issues....Mine's Just Obvious
How Did It Get This Out of Control?
Again....
This Is It!
Can I Do It This Time?
Get This Overweight Person Off My Back!
I kind of like the last one....I've thought about that a lot recently. I started Weight Watchers AGAIN on January 31st. I had toyed with the idea for a couple of months and finally decided to do it. The first time I joined, I was twelve years old.....yes, twelve. I think I needed to lose maybe 20 lbs? The last time I joined, I was in California eight years ago. I didn't have a good mindset about it at that time...I wasn't committed and didn't stick with it.
Well, things are drastically different this time. Instead of 20 pounds, I have about 200 pounds to lose. Yes, you read that right...200. And this time, I'm committed to at least 100 weeks of Weight Watchers. (Given the fact that 1-2 lbs. a week is a healthy weight loss and I need to lose 200 lbs.)
Believe me, it's not easy writing this blog. Not easy to let the whole internet world know about the craziness that is my out of control my food intake and lack of exercise. I wanted to write this post (and continue writing during this 100 week journey) so that I have a "diary" to refer back to when things are difficult. I also want to try to convey my thoughts and feelings in a way that I can help others now or in the future as they struggle in the same way. Lastly, I love blogging and wanted to be honest about my life and what is on my mind.
So, I started this journey January 31, 2012. I am 2 1/2 weeks in. I have lost 8.8 pounds. So, that means I have 97 1/2 weeks and 191.2 pounds to go.
I haven't exercised this week because I've had a HORRIBLE cold. I have stayed within the guide lines WW sets for weekly food intake. So, I don't know how that will effect my weight loss this week. Now that I've broken through the "do-I-want-everyone-to-know" barrier, I'll keep you updated.
I'm still unsure how to title this post....
We All Have Our Issues....Mine's Just Obvious
How Did It Get This Out of Control?
Again....
This Is It!
Can I Do It This Time?
Get This Overweight Person Off My Back!
I kind of like the last one....I've thought about that a lot recently. I started Weight Watchers AGAIN on January 31st. I had toyed with the idea for a couple of months and finally decided to do it. The first time I joined, I was twelve years old.....yes, twelve. I think I needed to lose maybe 20 lbs? The last time I joined, I was in California eight years ago. I didn't have a good mindset about it at that time...I wasn't committed and didn't stick with it.
Well, things are drastically different this time. Instead of 20 pounds, I have about 200 pounds to lose. Yes, you read that right...200. And this time, I'm committed to at least 100 weeks of Weight Watchers. (Given the fact that 1-2 lbs. a week is a healthy weight loss and I need to lose 200 lbs.)
Believe me, it's not easy writing this blog. Not easy to let the whole internet world know about the craziness that is my out of control my food intake and lack of exercise. I wanted to write this post (and continue writing during this 100 week journey) so that I have a "diary" to refer back to when things are difficult. I also want to try to convey my thoughts and feelings in a way that I can help others now or in the future as they struggle in the same way. Lastly, I love blogging and wanted to be honest about my life and what is on my mind.
So, I started this journey January 31, 2012. I am 2 1/2 weeks in. I have lost 8.8 pounds. So, that means I have 97 1/2 weeks and 191.2 pounds to go.
I haven't exercised this week because I've had a HORRIBLE cold. I have stayed within the guide lines WW sets for weekly food intake. So, I don't know how that will effect my weight loss this week. Now that I've broken through the "do-I-want-everyone-to-know" barrier, I'll keep you updated.
I'm still unsure how to title this post....
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