Loved On

My five senses are on overload.  Actually, my sixth sense (if that's the one that feels God's presence) is working at high speed too. 

I've peeled and cored enough apples to fill two crock pots in anticipation of applesauce in about 8 hours.  I can still smell their harvest sweetness on my hands. 

A lit candle, so sweetly given to me by a friend, is filling the house with an aroma that fills my thoughts with all things autumn.

I sit in the curve of our bay window as I admire the way the sunlight filtering through the pine needles of the majestic tree in the front yard casts a soft light on the living room floor.

The dogs have had their morning meal and some backyard time.  They are sprawled across the couch to catch some morning z's.

I am listening to a book that reminds me to praise and give thanks to God who is more than worthy of thanks and all praise.

I'm in awe that the all powerful, all knowing, all seeing Creator is loving on me today.  Not just loving me, as He does every moment of every day.  But He's loving ON me.  I feel it.  And I can't help but love Him back.

I'm Fine, Really

In addition to cleaning house today (on this, my normal cleaning day).  I also moved everything out of the dining room.  Then I washed chair covers and drapes. And washed windows and walls.  AND scrubbed baseboards.  AND DID PAINT TOUCH UP. 

Before you call the men with the white jackets to take me away, please note that I'm getting some deep cleaning done before holiday entertaining begins.  And most importantly, I'm trying to work off that Stupid Halloween Candy before weigh in tomorrow.

Must keep moving.  Must keep moving.

Crying in the Shower

It was all crashing in on me. 

Yes, I said I would do this.  Yes, I said I would do that. 

They didn't seem overwhelming at the time.  Each.  Separately.  

But This + That +  Weariness = A Good Cry in the Shower.

That's what happened Sunday morning.  And I really needed it.

I plugged in the night light, turned off the glaring overhead lights, and ran the warm-almost-too-hot shower.   The steam-filled semi-lit room, the stinging heat of the water on my skin, and the release of pent up tears calmed my nerves.  The concoction was a healing balm for my raw emotional state.

As I leaned forward against the shower wall, face in hands, water streaming down my head and my back, I started praying, "I don't know if I can do this.  God, did you really call me to this position as a pastor's wife?  You know I get so overwhelmed so easily.  Why did you do this to me?" 

I cried....

I cried silently until the lump formed in my throat that urged me to sob.  Loudly.  But I didn't. 

I thought about all the patriarchs and matriarchs in the bible who stepped out of their comfort zone.  They not only stepped, they LEAPED!  I thought about the prophets who were asked to do so much by God.  And they did it. 

I thought about Troy in the next room, studying for the Sunday School lesson he was going to be teaching for two hours straight.  I thought of all the pressure he had been under lately with his present job and the preparation for this new position.  I thought about the fact that he was doing all this while also taking a seminary class.  I thought about his supernatural ability to find patience and understanding for me during this crazy transitional time.

I thought about the bible verse, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." 

And then God spoke to my heart, "All done?" 

And I said, "Yep."

Several minutes later, I stepped out of the shower, wrapped myself in terry cloth softness and prayed, "Let's do this thing."

A Block of Wood

Isaiah 44: 14-19
He cuts down cedars, or perhaps took a cypress or oak.  He let it grow among the trees of the forest, or planted a pine, and made it grow.  It is man's fuel for burning; some of it he takes and warms himself and says, "Ah!  I am warm;  I see the fire."  From the rest he makes a god, his idol;  he bows down to it and worships.  He prays to it and says, "Save me; you are my god."  They know nothing, they understand nothing;  their eyes are plastered over so they cannot see, and their minds closed so they cannot understand.  No one stops to think, no one has the knowledge or understanding to say, "Half or it I used for fuel; I even baked bread over its coals, I roasted meat and I ate.  Shall I make a detestable thing from what is left?  Shall I bow down to a block of wood?"

Earlier this morning, I opened the fridge and was face to face with a "block" of cookie dough.  And the conversation in my head went something like this...
"Oh cookie dough!  You are exactly what I NEED!  I have a cold and just need to be comforted. I comforted myself most of the day yesterday with food and I feel no better now.  In fact, I feel worse!  Not only physically but emotionally.  But today is a new day and I'm sure you won't let me down today."

And then, God reminded me of this scripture passage that I have giggled about in the past.  How stupid to think that a god made out of the left over block of wood could listen, speak, heal, comfort, or do anything but just be a block of wood!  Hmmm...block of wood, block of cookie dough, block of cheese, cheese dip, any kind of dip with chips.  It's all nothing but a block of wood.  Shall I bow down to a block of wood?

God made the wood for good use.  Just as he made food for good use.  It's the abuse of that material/fuel that turns it into a detestable thing.  I needed this reminder today. 

In Training

Reader Warning:  Sit back with a big mug of coffee.  This is a long one!  :-)

It was September 13th, time for my morning walk at 6:40am and it was raining.  Hard.  Do I just go ahead and "git-er-done" or stay warm and dry in my house?  The forecast called for rain in a couple of days during the Color Run 5K.  What better way to prepare for a 5K walk in the rain than to actually walk that morning in the rain?  As I walked, I noticed that I wasn't as concerned about my pace as I normally would be.  I just needed to make it through the downpour.  And I did.  Soaked to the core, I finished at my garage door feeling a sense of accomplishment that had nothing to do with speed.

Months and months ago, I signed up for my very first in the history of my life 5K.  The Color Run- The Happiest 5K on the Planet! 

In my own little "Stephanie World", I had dreams of crossing the finish line covered in the cornstarch colors of orange, yellow, blue, and pink, grinning from ear to ear as I caught the teary eyes of my proud cheering husband. My 100 pound smaller body would then be engulfed in his embrace as he said over and over again how proud he was of me.  All in slow motion to the soundtrack of "Chariots of Fire".

Okay, so "Stephanie World" is a little too dramatic.  A Lot Too Dramatic. 

September 15th, the long awaited 5K Day, arrived and reality set in.  Yes, I did cross the finish line covered in color, but my husband wasn't there.  Now, don't be too hard on Troy.  He had Sunday morning obligations that kept him from standing at the finish line.  And we had already discussed the fact that he wouldn't be present when my 3.1 miles were complete.  My body was 83 pounds smaller.  Seventeen pounds away from that image I had dreamed about.  And although I felt as if I were walking in slow motion when long-legged men in tutus (a common sight at the Color Run 5K)sprinted past, there was no soundtrack of instrumental glory at this grand finale.

In all fairness, I have to let you know, I had a wonderfully fun time at the Color Run with the encouragement and company of my great friend and fellow 5K walker, Jenni.  She has been a source of major inspiration, encouragement, and strength in my life.  I'm so blessed to count her as my friend. 

Signing up for the 5K months and months ago, I remember thinking, "I hope I will be able to walk 3.1 miles by September."  Well, by September,  I realized that I COULD walk 3.1 miles.  Heck, I could walk 5 miles!  This should have made me feel a since of accomplishment, but instead, I felt that the 5K was a little anti-climatic.  I knew I could walk it, why did I have to do it with a crowd of rainbow colored people?  "Because," God spoke to my heart, "this was a tangible celebration of what you didn't think you could do.  Now you know you can do much more." 

Remember that warning posted at the beginning of this post?  This is your second warning:  This post is not about the 5K.  :)

No, this "In Training" post is not about the September 15th day of color.  This is about what God has shown me in the midst of all of this. 

Months ago, Troy applied for the position of Associate Pastor of Administration and Adults at our church, Creekside Bible Church.  (I've since started calling this the Triple A position.)  At the time, I remember thinking, "I hope I will be able to step into this role of Pastor's Wife if Troy is hired." 

Anyone who knows my past would scoff at the idea of me stepping into that role.  Nobody knows my past better than me.  And scoff, I did!  In fact, I started having some major doubts about my ability to deal with the fish bowl of ministry life.  What if I say or do something that would be detrimental to Troy?  What if someone drags up my numerous past mistakes to prove that I am not worthy of this position?  What if I just can't do it?  I cried out to God with all of these questions and insecurities.  And the Holy Spirit stepped in as my Trainer. 

I love my quiet time.  But to be perfectly honest, sometimes quiet time is just about reading my "daily bible reading" in order to finish the bible within the year.  Lately, my Trainer has turned my quiet time into so much more.  In fact, my quiet time hasn't been during my set aside "Quiet Time" at all! 

It started with downloading a couple of books from the local library to my phone to listen to while I walked.  My downloads were thought provoking but not spiritual.  I finished them and started searching for some new titles.  Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis was a title I kept seeing as an option.  I would skip it and go on to other, more interesting, titles.  Until a couple of weeks ago.  I felt a prompting from my Trainer and finally downloaded this classic and started listening to it during my walks and while cleaning the house.  Wow!  Why had I let this small book of wisdom slip through my life without catching hold?  I loved it.  But what I loved most, was that it whet my appetite for more, more about God, more about my walk with God.  I finished this book in record time and looked for more.  Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst and Not a Fan by Kyle Idleman were the next two. 

Lysa reminded me of the spiritual truths that were/are the basis of my weight loss journey.  The Holy Spirit used her book to confirm and remind me of these. 

Not a Fan kind of rocked my spiritual world.  It was as if I had settled into a "training" that I was comfortable with, and my Trainer kicked it up a notch.  And by "kicked it up a notch", I mean that He KICKED IT UP A NOTCH!  By the end of that book, I realized that God is stirring something in me that is big, really big!  Too big for me....a God-sized big.  He has only given me a tiny glimpse, and I can't wait to see how He is going to accomplish it. 

(At this point, I have to tell you that energy is surging through me in such a way that I have had to stop typing a few times to shiver.)

Now to tie all this together.....

As my Trainer, God has been working in my thoughts.  Any time my focus veers off Him, I'm in danger of letting my thoughts be selfish, critical, and world centered.  That's not only detrimental to Troy, but harmful to me and to my ministry.  God is training me to capture EVERY thought and turn it over to Him.  He is showing me that He is to be my all in all.  No human can fill that need.  Not even Troy.  When Troy couldn't be there for the 5K, I admit, I was upset at the idea that this was the beginning of a long road of ministry obligations taking precedence over our time together.  I know that God values our time together and will allow our marriage to be strengthened with quality time.  But I also now realize that when my thoughts start down the selfish, poor me road, I need to remember my training sessions and focus solely on God.

He has been showing me that my past, my walk through the rain, was part of the training I would need to minister to the women who will cross my path.  The women who are trying to keep up the pace while being drenched with the downpour.   Did God want me to make the sinful mistakes I made?  Absolutely not!  But I really feel that He's ultimately using them for good.

The Holy Spirit has calmed my anxiety about this new role by reminding me that it's not by my strength but His that I can live in the fish bowl.  When I'm relying on HIS strength, this ministry life is a walk in the park.  (Or a 3.1 mile walk, when I could really walk at least 5.) 

God has made me for even more.  I know it.  I feel it. 

Let Me Tell You...

Let me tell you... about a woman who had given up.  She had given up on love.  She had given up on happiness.  But most importantly, she had given up on God.  Actually, she mistakenly believed God had given up on her.  She had prayed and prayed for a Christian husband who would be her best friend, her confidant.  Someone she could respect.  Someone who would love her through all her insecurities.  And at the ripe old age of 32, she had given up.  She had even gone so far as to do everything God had told her not to do for her own good.  She was beyond rebellious.  She was a living, breathing prodigal daughter of the Living God. 

Let me tell you... about a man who had given up.  He had tried and tried to do what he thought was best, but with no compass to show him the way.  In his path, he had left broken relationships and broken dreams.  His mother, his shelter from the storm, had passed away, leaving him empty and vulnerable.  He felt that his life was a total failure.  Not for lack of trying, but for lack of purpose. 

Let me tell you... a love story.  It's not the story you expect.  It's a love story only God could pen.  He took this rebellious daughter and this purpose-less man and joined them together in matrimony.  And they did NOT live happily...at least for several months.  This prodigal daughter still longed for the Christian husband (which was not the man) and this man still sought the compass (which was not the woman).  The union (and this story) would have ended in disaster had God given up.  But He didn't.  That's the real love story.  God worked in and through each of these individuals in miraculous ways.  He placed godly men and women in the midst of this marriage.  They pointed the man to the one and only true compass.  They gently led the daughter back to the loving arms of her Father.  The man became a Believer and realized that God had a purpose planned for him before the beginning of time.  The woman realized that God had a Christian husband planned for her before the beginning of time.   That's the true love story. 

Let me tell you... how the story gets even better.  On Sunday, the 29th of this month, the local church body that this man and woman worship with and love, will be gathered in a special business meeting to vote on three very important decisions.  They will be voting to approve two elder candidates to the position of elders (one of which is the man). 

And they will be voting to approve the Elder Board's Recommendation for the new Associate Pastor......... 

Let me tell you... about God.  He doesn't give up.  He doesn't give up on a directionless man.  He doesn't give up on a rebellious daughter.  So no matter the outcome of the vote.  This man has found his purpose and will continue to pursue it with a passion.  This woman has found that she is loved beyond measure and will continue to bask in that truth. 

God doesn't give up.

The Experiment

About four months ago, I jumped head first into the gluten free world.  The plan was to eat gluten free for a period of time to see if the results would improve Troy's back and intestinal issues. Troy had also talked to co-workers who, after abstaining from gluten, felt more mentally sharp and didn't feel the "fogginess" that he often felt.

I honestly didn't think it would dramatically change my health.  I had recently lost a significant amount of weight and had starting a walking regimen.  My hip, knee, and ankle joints were in pain most of the time, but that was to be expected when one hasn't exercised to that extent in too many years.

So we gave up our number one comfort food in May.  I was riddled with anxiety and excitement. 

Within the first month, we both saw improvement in our overall health.  Not to extent that I had hoped, but improvement none the less. 

Troy still had his same health problems along with the foggy feeling.  This prompted a visit to the doctor which resulted in a change in medication.  The change in medication helped somewhat.  The biggest improvement with Troy over the next few months was that he was losing weight for the first time in years.  We have since decided that this is mostly due to the fact that he doesn't, on a whim, stop at McDonald's or go out to lunch with co-workers as often.  We also don't have bread at restaurants.

I noticed that my hip and ankle pain was virtually gone.  The nights spent tossing and turning because of my hips were a thing of the past.  My left knee still ached (and still does) but I really think more weight loss will ease that pain. 

Four months in, the new has worn off.  We miss "normal" hot dog and hamburger buns.  We miss being able to go anywhere and order anything off the menu we want.  We miss deep dish pizza.  I personally miss my all time favorite, 4 WW point frozen breakfast burrito made with a flour tortilla. 

So, the experiment began.  I bought four of my favorite burritos and decided to eat one each day to see if I could tell a difference.  I ate one Thursday for lunch and was thrilled that I felt no crazy weird effects.  I went for my walk Friday morning and felt fine.  So I, of course, had another one Friday (yesterday) and still felt fine. "Yes!"  I thought, "I can return to a normal life.  Maybe the hip pain was just a fluke since I had just started walking."

This morning, I took off for my five mile walk.  (I've done this for the past three Saturdays.)  About half way through this morning's walk, I really thought I was going to have to call Troy to come pick me up.  My hip, knees, and ankles were really hurting!  I made it home but had to immediately take my shoes off because the top arch of my right foot was throbbing.  I had completely forgotten about this pain.  It had been an annoyance of the past that I had chalked up to bad shoes or again the new walking routine.

So, the experiment is complete and the results are in:  eating gluten will not immediately send me to the bathroom or to an early grave, but if I want to have a better quality of life without unsolicited aches and pains, I need to avoid gluten. 

Today, Troy is going to eat one of my burritos because he likes them, too.  He's pretty sure it's going to be fine. 

We'll see.

My Day Off

Thursday is my official day off, well in Stephanie World anyway.  Every other day of the week is filled with homemaking responsibilities, volunteer duties, or just general on the go craziness.  So, at the point that I became a full time house wife, I decided that Thursday was going to be aside to recharge my batteries.  Now, don't get me wrong.  Thursday is also my "catch up on laundry" day.  I need to be a little productive, other wise I will feel horrible when Friday rolls around.  But on Thursday, instead of getting out of bed and getting dressed for my morning walk (before I'm lucid enough to talk myself out of it), I lay in bed until I absolutely have to get up and pack Troy's lunch box.  I then dress in the comfies I will wear ALL DAY LONG.  No two mile walk, no walking of the dogs.  Just the blessed feeling of anticipation as I ponder my self indulgent to do list. 

I thank God that I have a husband who appreciates me and advocates for my Thursdays.  He also reaps the benefits of a wife ready to tackle the next seven days with more energy and a better attitude. 

The Calm After the Storm

About 24 hours ago, I started feeling it.  The black cloud.  The same black cloud I've felt/seen so many times in my 43 years.  The black cloud of anxiety, doubt, hopelessness, self-loathing.  I felt it coming, like the thunder and lightening that proceeds the downpour.  The warning signs were flashing and vibrating all around my thoughts yesterday.

"You're not following God's will.  With thoughts like that, how can you call yourself a Christian?  You're not good enough.  You can't possibly think you are pleasing God!  How dare you talk to people about God's love when you can't even show it." 

And the storm raged.

Intellectually, I knew these thoughts were not from God.  And my brain tried desperately to open the umbrella of head knowledge against the ravaging winds.  But the mediocre attempt at shelter was shredded to bits and the storm raged on.

I awoke this morning feeling the after-effects of the storm.  My heart was soaked to the core and heavy.  My emotions were exposed and tender.  The cloud had settled in for the day and was drizzling sadness.  I didn't want to talk.  I didn't even say goodbye to Troy as I left for my morning walk.  He left for work before I returned and I was fine with that.  I just didn't want to communicate.  I was afraid if I opened my mouth, the dark cloud would spill out on everyone.  I couldn't deal with that responsibility. 

Eating breakfast, I thought about my day and my daunting task list.  "I'll feel better if I am productive," I decided. 

Then I felt God whispering in my heart,"Quit doing."

"But..."

"Quit doing."

"How?"

"Quit doing."

So I took my Bible and my headphones out to the patio. 

I stretched out on the cushioned patio chair, using another chair as an ottoman.  I selected "Beach Radio" on Pandora and allowed the soothing instrumental music to flow through the headphones into my brain.  I read my Bible for a short amount of time.  Then, I leaned my head back and let the morning sunshine warm my skin.

I thought about the character of God.  How He doesn't condemn me.  How He doesn't accuse me.  How He loves me.  Period.  He loves me.  He doesn't love me more because I am walking the "straight and narrow".  He doesn't love me less because I rebelliously jumped off the road of His will and slid down the slippery slope into the pit of self-doubt. 

I can't do any more or any less to change His feelings about me. 

The hailstorm of accusations that pelted me yesterday was giving way to the truth of God's love. 

A calmness of the light of truth was breaking through the cloud, driving away the sadness, and setting me free.

David Crowder Band sings it best in these lyrics from one of my favorite songs.

 

And we are His portion and He is our prize,

Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes.

If His grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.

 

And Heaven meets earth like an unforeseen kiss,

And my heart turns violently inside of my chest.

I don't have time to maintain these regrets

When I think about the way....

 

He loves us.

Oh, how He loves us.

 

 

Will I have to deal with the consequences of my rebelliousness?  Of course.  God loves me too much to let me mistakenly think that my disobedience was swept under the rug.  God's discipline (do not read discipline as punishment) is just another example of His desire for me to live a life of purpose and abundance.  Another example of His love.

 

Oh, how He loves me.   



Drum Roll, Please....

Just a few notes before you look through the before and after pictures of the kitchen:

1.  It takes me MONTHS to finish decorating a room with pictures and shelf decor because I take my time and pick up things I like in different places, at different times.  So If you thought that I would have the pictures "staged" appropriately, all I can say is, "Come for a visit in about a year."  Maybe it will be finished then.

2.  Troy warned me the color scheme I used would be dark.  And it is.  But it feels very cozy to me.  And since I'm the one in this house who spends the most time in this room, my comfort is what matters, right?

3.  There is less counter clutter!  That is, in part, due to the new FREE kitchen island storage and to the new pantry door rack.  But it's also due to the fact that I haven't yet uncluttered my dining room and placed everything back in the kitchen.  (It's on my "to do list" for today.)

Before

After

Before

 

After

Before

After

The Thrill of Normal

I have a three million and three things to do today.  Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration.  Only three million.  Okay, okay!  That's an exaggeration too. 

Troy has learned that if I start any number with three, as in three hundred, three thousand, or three million, that I'm totally exaggerating.  I really don't know why I use the number 3 before an obvious exaggeration.  I could have easily just said, "I have a million things to do today."  And you would have still known I was being overly dramatic. 

Let's just say, today's schedule is over the top full.

And I really didn't feel the need to write this post about my full schedule.  Although it seems as if that is exactly what I am doing.

I felt the need to write this post about the thrill of getting back into the normal routine.  

I spent June 29-July 3 with my family and friends in Oklahoma.  I drove 28 hours round trip to spend time with them.  It was a trip full of precious moments and sweet memories.  I thoroughly enjoyed the whole experience. 

Then I came home.  To my amazing husband.  To my loyal dogs. 

And to the open wound of our kitchen (currently in the middle of an epic remodel.)  I came home to a kitchen without a counter, stove, or sink.  I came home to a house that is undergoing open heart surgery.  

Wow, I didn't intend to write about the kitchen remodel, either.  But it is forefront in my mind, so you understand, I'm sure.

This morning after breakfast, my mind was clogged with the three million things I needed to accomplish today, so I thought, "I need to get all of these things down in a list so that I can free my mind to focus on each task."  I'm a list maker.  I use the "To Do Today" list much like Dumbledore used the pensieve to "siphon the excess thoughts from one's mind" in the Harry Potter series.

As I opened the Notes application on my phone and started making my "To Do Today..." list, my heart swelled with anticipation.  This feels normal!

After a week of travel and in the midst of house-heart surgery, this mundane task of making a list feels refreshingly normal.

What a thrill!

Faster Than I Thought I Was

I have always walked slowly.  Just ask anyone who has slowed to a snail's pace to walk beside me.  Troy told me once that it seemed that I automatically slowed at the moment he slowed to walk with me side by side.

What can I say?  I'm enjoying the moment.  :)

When I started walking for exercise, my turtle tendency concerned me.  So I started listening to an upbeat 80's music Pandora channel on my phone.  I walked to the beat of the music and was able to work my way up to a 18 minutes, 20 second mile.  (I know that's not race walker pace, but I'm proud of it.)

Most of the songs that are exactly the right beat for my pace are rap music.  I'm not opposed to rap music.  I really like the rhythm and the down beat.  And sometimes even like the lyrics.  Let's discuss the lyrics.  Most of the rap lyrics in 80's/90's songs are sexually charged.  So for the past couple of months, I've been walking along, meeting families out for a morning stroll or passing members from my church while Sir Mix-a-lot's song about his sexual conquests with girls who have big butts is blasting in my ears. I really didn't feel convicted or ashamed about listening to the rapper speak of his adoration of big butted girls.  I mean, we big butted girls need adoration too.   I know right from wrong.   I could just listen to these songs for the beat and not really dwell on them.

Then one day I realized that what I allow myself to be surrounded by affects my attitude.  My attitude toward people, toward God.  My quest for a faster mile had become more important than guarding my thoughts. 

I'm memorizing the book of James and recite it (silently) while I walk the dogs.  One day as I recited James 1:27, I stopped.  I repeated it.  "Religion that  God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this:  to look after the orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."  I was not keeping myself from being polluted.  I was actually opening up my mind and letting the pollution seep right in.  With my permission!

So yesterday morning, I downloaded an audio book to my phone.  I stood in my driveway, put my ear buds in the correct position and pondered the thought that I probably would not walk as swiftly as Sir Mix-a-lot pushed me.  Oh well, here's to pure and faultless religion.  :) 

I concentrated on the story unfolding in my ears and tried to walk at a brisk pace.  At the end of my four mile trek, I checked the time. I beat my record time!!!!!  By only a few seconds but I beat it! It just goes to show you that this girl with a big butt doesn't need Sir Mix-a-lot to make her move!

Just What I Needed

Friends. 

I don't have a lot of really, really close friends.  Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be.  I have a lot of friends.  But close friends (and women, you know what I'm talking about) are those friends who know almost an embarrassing amount of information about you and still manage to look at you without blushing or laughing hysterically.  My husband is one of those close, close friends.  But let's all agree, he's not a woman.  And sometimes we women just need time with those close women friends. 

I didn't realize how much I needed "girl time" until today.

My close, close friend, Jenni, and I have a running joke that we never make permanent routine plans to meet for a visit.  We just happen to "pencil" coffee time into our schedules when we can.  It works for us.  That makes me smile.  We had a "penciled" time this morning. 

It was just what I needed.

At the end of this good, very good visit, I got a text from a new friend who is quickly becoming a close friend.  She asked if I wanted to have lunch.  I looked at myself and then at Jenni.  I was wearing a t-shirt, shorts, and "Barbie" style flip-flops (just think pink, purple, flowers, and sparkles).  I had not styled my hair or applied makeup.  Jenni assured me that I looked fine.  So, away I went.  Sandra and I visited much of the afternoon away at Panera Bread.

It was just what I needed.

This day was just exactly what I needed.

The Highs and Lows of a GF Lifestyle

Well, here we are.  Five and a half days in. 

Highs: 
Great, restful sleep for both of us. 
No tossing and turning during the night because my hip joints are aching. 
Actually none of my joints are aching. 
Feeling much more satisfied/full after a meal.
We are not feeling hungry two hours after we eat. 
Much less bloating/gas.
Troy has been able to cut his IBS medicine by 1/3 so far.

Lows:
Initial cost. (Ridding the house of gluten and restocking with a plethora of non-wheat flours makes me thankful that we had three paydays rather than just two this month.)
My kitchen is in a constant state of clutter (preparing/cleaning)
I am forced to cook more than I really, really want to.
Eating out has become a means to an end rather than a really enjoyable experience. Almost not worth the effort of eating out. (This is the lowest of the lows.)

Overall Experience:
So far, the highs way outnumber the lows as far as quality of life are concerned.  I have had a sinus/allergy thing going on all week, so I'm not feeling the burst of energy that some people experience after being off gluten.  But even feeling a little under the weather I still walked six miles this week, so that says something.  Hopefully, when this is gone, I'll have a little more pep in my step. 

I'm grappling with the whole Weight Watcher way of eating vs. Wheat Belly Diet way of eating.  I weigh in on Tuesday night at the WW meeting.  So, we will see.  Depending on the scale, I may have to find some low-fat, gluten-free recipes.  (Wheat Belly Diet is very much like Atkins, but instead of no carbohydrates, you substitute "good grains" for wheat.)  Troy has also noticed that he needs to get off the two Diet Coke a day habit.  He thinks the artificial sweetener is messing with him. 

It's all still in the tweaking stage, but we've both decided that we are feeling better.  That's what matters.

 

A Lot to Say...

It's been a while.  I know. 

It's not that I don't have anything in my life to write about.  It's just that most of the things in my life right now are better left in my life and not on the world wide web. 

I've posted this on facebook, but I think it bears repeating.  I've lost 81 pounds.  Nineteen pounds away from that illusive 100 pound loss.  It actually seems possible to lose 100 pounds now.  I'll have 82 pounds to go even after I reach that century mark.  But still. I now walk at least 15 miles a week.  This from a girl who really detested exercise.  I didn't write about it for a while because I had kind of lost my weight loss mo-jo for a few months.  It had consumed my life for a year and I was just tired.  I was comfortable in my 70 pound lighter body.  Then, one morning, I was reading about the Israelites and how they were living in the Promised Land but hadn't followed through with God's orders to rid the land of idols and idol worshipers.  I realized I was much like this chosen nation.  I was living in a much healthier body, but had not totally followed through with what God told me to do.  Food was still an idol and I was treating it as such.  He inspired me to start this journey anew but instead of focusing on the weight loss, I would focus on Him and His strength.  I believe He is very proud of what I've accomplished so far, but I'm not finished yet. 

After 7 years in our house, I finally have my living room decorated exactly as I want it.  For those friends in Oklahoma who knew me when I lived in my little "Barbie" house, you will be extremely bewildered with my sense of decorative style now.  To tell you the truth, this older and more mature "Barbie" and her wonderful "Ken" are much less enamored with pinks, blues, and florals.  The walls of the living room are gray.  The furniture gray and black with brown accents.  I really don't think the pictures do it justice.  But they give you an idea. 

We start on the kitchen in June.  We are remodeling it in black, brown, and red.  I think it will have a very nice, cozy, coffee-shop feel.  I'll post pics when we are finished.

In the midst of weight loss and home decorating, we have decided to take gluten out of our diets.  I've suspected for quite some time that Troy's medical issues would benefit from a gluten-free lifestyle.  But (as you wives know) it needed to be his idea to follow through.  So, as the words, "Maybe we should try this gluten-free thing," came out of his mouth, I was already on my laptop doing research.  I'm currently reading Wheat Belly by Dr. William Davis and am convinced that this change in our eating habits will be beneficial.  I've also been secretly observing the families in our church who have changed to gluten-free and are amazed at how much healthier they seem.  We plan to start this new way of eating after Troy is finished with this semester of seminary.  So, I'll keep you posted on how things are going with this change.  (A side note.  I'm so proud of my husband.  He is an elder candidate at our church.  He is taking a master's level seminary course.  He is teaching an adult Sunday school class.  AND He works in a stress filled full time job.  On top of all that, he makes sure that I get my quality time with him on "date night" once a week.  He's amazing!)

See?  I did have a lot to say.  And there's even more.....but that will have to wait until it is appropriate to share on the WWW. 

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

First,  the shower head in my bathroom has decided to be clogged.  (Yes, Troy and I shower in separate bathrooms.  During my naive single years, I thought this was a sign of an unhealthy marriage.  In our case, it's a sign that I need a larger bath/shower combo and Troy is okay with the minuscule stall shower in the master bathroom.)  Okay, back to the point.  It was working fine and dandy on Sunday morning.  Then yesterday morning it just decided be "tired", or clogged, barely spraying heated water.  I thought maybe it was just a fluke.  Maybe even water in the line from the recent repair being done near our house.

Second,  Tuesday mornings are CRAZY for me.  I need to get out the door by 8:50 in order to make it to women's bible study on time.  That means getting through these tasks before 8:45:  exercise, pack breakfast and lunch for Troy, pack breakfast and snack for me, walk the dogs, review my lesson notes, shower, and get ready.  I know, probably most people could do that in 30 minutes with their eyes closed.  Not me.  It's like a marathon of focus for me to get through the tasks and get out the door on time. 

So, it's Tuesday morning.  I'm taking a bit of pride in the fact that I've been able to complete my list and am on track to leave my house on time.  I turn on the shower.  Well, it wasn't a fluke.  Because a fluke doesn't happen two days in a row, right?  Drizzle, drizzle.  Darn it!  And I have to wash my hair.  This is going to take FOREVER!  Oh, well...here we go.  I take a palm full of shampoo out of the large pump dispensing bottle.  Lather.  Rinse.  Rinse.  Rinse.  Rinse.  Rinse.  Finally ready for conditioner.  I pump another palm full of SHAMPOO and before I realize it, I have worked it through my hair instead of the conditioner I thought I had in my hand.  I really, really didn't need to lather, rinse, rinse, rinse, rinse, rinse, and repeat!

To quote one of my favorite lines from The Karate Kid, "Your focus needs more focus." 

Over

I'm over it...

Seriously, over it.....

I really mean it.....

I'm over it.....

I gave myself a break from the meticulous planning and counting points of daily meals for Christmas.  Great gift, huh? 

Not so much.

My Weight Watchers group meets on Tuesday nights.  Christmas AND New Year's Day cancelled my meetings.  Could I have gone to a different meeting?  Well, of course I could.  But I didn't.  I've tried at least 5 different days to get back on the wagon and that darn thing just won't slow down. 

So, I'm making a public proclamation.  Even though I will not weigh in and see my favorite Weight Watcher girls until Tuesday, I AM BACK ON THE JOURNEY TOMORROW!!!!!!!

This little "Eat-like-a-Pig Pit Stop"  is.......

OVER!

Whenever I see...

I love rainbows.  (I've even been known to get almost as worked up about them as the famous You Tube sensation "Double Rainbow Guy".)  As a very small child, I was told the bible story of Noah's Ark and the rainbow God sent to promise He would never again destroy with a flood.  So, to me, the rainbow was a personal gift from God.  A reminder, if you will.  A beautiful, awe inspiring reminder.

The pastor at my church has encouraged us to read through the bible this year.  He also added that as we read each day, to look for a characteristic of God.  So, as I read the account of Noah, his family, and pairs of animals in the ark, I was mindful to think about the Character of God.

Now, I must share with you that I truly believe that the bible is the Living Word of God.  By "living", I mean that each time I read it the Holy Spirit points out something that I had never seen before or something that relates to my life at that moment like it has never related before. Sometimes I've prayed for this insight.  Sometimes it happens out of the blue and I'm caught by surprise at His intimate and personal love for me. 

This morning, the Holy Spirit pointed out something that just made me smile.  A nuance to God's character that I made me grin.  After Noah and his family have stepped out onto dry land, God made a covenant with Noah that a flood would never again destroy the earth.  And the sign of this covenant would be a rainbow. 

And God said, "I am giving you a sign as evidence of my eternal covenant with you and all living creatures.  I have placed my rainbow in the clouds.  It is the sign of my permanent promise to you and to all the earth.  When I send clouds over the earth, the rainbow will be seen in the clouds and I will remember my covenant with you and with everything that lives.  Never again will there be a flood that will destroy all life.  When I see the rainbow in the clouds, I will remember the eternal covenant between God and every living creature on earth."  (Genesis 9:12-16 NLT)

 

God said, "When I see the rainbow in the clouds..." 

I smile because when I admire the beauty of a rainbow, I know that God is seeing that very same arch of colors.  That very one.  A moment we can share together. 

I love Him!