Crying in the Shower

It was all crashing in on me. 

Yes, I said I would do this.  Yes, I said I would do that. 

They didn't seem overwhelming at the time.  Each.  Separately.  

But This + That +  Weariness = A Good Cry in the Shower.

That's what happened Sunday morning.  And I really needed it.

I plugged in the night light, turned off the glaring overhead lights, and ran the warm-almost-too-hot shower.   The steam-filled semi-lit room, the stinging heat of the water on my skin, and the release of pent up tears calmed my nerves.  The concoction was a healing balm for my raw emotional state.

As I leaned forward against the shower wall, face in hands, water streaming down my head and my back, I started praying, "I don't know if I can do this.  God, did you really call me to this position as a pastor's wife?  You know I get so overwhelmed so easily.  Why did you do this to me?" 

I cried....

I cried silently until the lump formed in my throat that urged me to sob.  Loudly.  But I didn't. 

I thought about all the patriarchs and matriarchs in the bible who stepped out of their comfort zone.  They not only stepped, they LEAPED!  I thought about the prophets who were asked to do so much by God.  And they did it. 

I thought about Troy in the next room, studying for the Sunday School lesson he was going to be teaching for two hours straight.  I thought of all the pressure he had been under lately with his present job and the preparation for this new position.  I thought about the fact that he was doing all this while also taking a seminary class.  I thought about his supernatural ability to find patience and understanding for me during this crazy transitional time.

I thought about the bible verse, "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." 

And then God spoke to my heart, "All done?" 

And I said, "Yep."

Several minutes later, I stepped out of the shower, wrapped myself in terry cloth softness and prayed, "Let's do this thing."