In Training

Reader Warning:  Sit back with a big mug of coffee.  This is a long one!  :-)

It was September 13th, time for my morning walk at 6:40am and it was raining.  Hard.  Do I just go ahead and "git-er-done" or stay warm and dry in my house?  The forecast called for rain in a couple of days during the Color Run 5K.  What better way to prepare for a 5K walk in the rain than to actually walk that morning in the rain?  As I walked, I noticed that I wasn't as concerned about my pace as I normally would be.  I just needed to make it through the downpour.  And I did.  Soaked to the core, I finished at my garage door feeling a sense of accomplishment that had nothing to do with speed.

Months and months ago, I signed up for my very first in the history of my life 5K.  The Color Run- The Happiest 5K on the Planet! 

In my own little "Stephanie World", I had dreams of crossing the finish line covered in the cornstarch colors of orange, yellow, blue, and pink, grinning from ear to ear as I caught the teary eyes of my proud cheering husband. My 100 pound smaller body would then be engulfed in his embrace as he said over and over again how proud he was of me.  All in slow motion to the soundtrack of "Chariots of Fire".

Okay, so "Stephanie World" is a little too dramatic.  A Lot Too Dramatic. 

September 15th, the long awaited 5K Day, arrived and reality set in.  Yes, I did cross the finish line covered in color, but my husband wasn't there.  Now, don't be too hard on Troy.  He had Sunday morning obligations that kept him from standing at the finish line.  And we had already discussed the fact that he wouldn't be present when my 3.1 miles were complete.  My body was 83 pounds smaller.  Seventeen pounds away from that image I had dreamed about.  And although I felt as if I were walking in slow motion when long-legged men in tutus (a common sight at the Color Run 5K)sprinted past, there was no soundtrack of instrumental glory at this grand finale.

In all fairness, I have to let you know, I had a wonderfully fun time at the Color Run with the encouragement and company of my great friend and fellow 5K walker, Jenni.  She has been a source of major inspiration, encouragement, and strength in my life.  I'm so blessed to count her as my friend. 

Signing up for the 5K months and months ago, I remember thinking, "I hope I will be able to walk 3.1 miles by September."  Well, by September,  I realized that I COULD walk 3.1 miles.  Heck, I could walk 5 miles!  This should have made me feel a since of accomplishment, but instead, I felt that the 5K was a little anti-climatic.  I knew I could walk it, why did I have to do it with a crowd of rainbow colored people?  "Because," God spoke to my heart, "this was a tangible celebration of what you didn't think you could do.  Now you know you can do much more." 

Remember that warning posted at the beginning of this post?  This is your second warning:  This post is not about the 5K.  :)

No, this "In Training" post is not about the September 15th day of color.  This is about what God has shown me in the midst of all of this. 

Months ago, Troy applied for the position of Associate Pastor of Administration and Adults at our church, Creekside Bible Church.  (I've since started calling this the Triple A position.)  At the time, I remember thinking, "I hope I will be able to step into this role of Pastor's Wife if Troy is hired." 

Anyone who knows my past would scoff at the idea of me stepping into that role.  Nobody knows my past better than me.  And scoff, I did!  In fact, I started having some major doubts about my ability to deal with the fish bowl of ministry life.  What if I say or do something that would be detrimental to Troy?  What if someone drags up my numerous past mistakes to prove that I am not worthy of this position?  What if I just can't do it?  I cried out to God with all of these questions and insecurities.  And the Holy Spirit stepped in as my Trainer. 

I love my quiet time.  But to be perfectly honest, sometimes quiet time is just about reading my "daily bible reading" in order to finish the bible within the year.  Lately, my Trainer has turned my quiet time into so much more.  In fact, my quiet time hasn't been during my set aside "Quiet Time" at all! 

It started with downloading a couple of books from the local library to my phone to listen to while I walked.  My downloads were thought provoking but not spiritual.  I finished them and started searching for some new titles.  Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis was a title I kept seeing as an option.  I would skip it and go on to other, more interesting, titles.  Until a couple of weeks ago.  I felt a prompting from my Trainer and finally downloaded this classic and started listening to it during my walks and while cleaning the house.  Wow!  Why had I let this small book of wisdom slip through my life without catching hold?  I loved it.  But what I loved most, was that it whet my appetite for more, more about God, more about my walk with God.  I finished this book in record time and looked for more.  Made to Crave by Lysa Terkeurst and Not a Fan by Kyle Idleman were the next two. 

Lysa reminded me of the spiritual truths that were/are the basis of my weight loss journey.  The Holy Spirit used her book to confirm and remind me of these. 

Not a Fan kind of rocked my spiritual world.  It was as if I had settled into a "training" that I was comfortable with, and my Trainer kicked it up a notch.  And by "kicked it up a notch", I mean that He KICKED IT UP A NOTCH!  By the end of that book, I realized that God is stirring something in me that is big, really big!  Too big for me....a God-sized big.  He has only given me a tiny glimpse, and I can't wait to see how He is going to accomplish it. 

(At this point, I have to tell you that energy is surging through me in such a way that I have had to stop typing a few times to shiver.)

Now to tie all this together.....

As my Trainer, God has been working in my thoughts.  Any time my focus veers off Him, I'm in danger of letting my thoughts be selfish, critical, and world centered.  That's not only detrimental to Troy, but harmful to me and to my ministry.  God is training me to capture EVERY thought and turn it over to Him.  He is showing me that He is to be my all in all.  No human can fill that need.  Not even Troy.  When Troy couldn't be there for the 5K, I admit, I was upset at the idea that this was the beginning of a long road of ministry obligations taking precedence over our time together.  I know that God values our time together and will allow our marriage to be strengthened with quality time.  But I also now realize that when my thoughts start down the selfish, poor me road, I need to remember my training sessions and focus solely on God.

He has been showing me that my past, my walk through the rain, was part of the training I would need to minister to the women who will cross my path.  The women who are trying to keep up the pace while being drenched with the downpour.   Did God want me to make the sinful mistakes I made?  Absolutely not!  But I really feel that He's ultimately using them for good.

The Holy Spirit has calmed my anxiety about this new role by reminding me that it's not by my strength but His that I can live in the fish bowl.  When I'm relying on HIS strength, this ministry life is a walk in the park.  (Or a 3.1 mile walk, when I could really walk at least 5.) 

God has made me for even more.  I know it.  I feel it. 

Let Me Tell You...

Let me tell you... about a woman who had given up.  She had given up on love.  She had given up on happiness.  But most importantly, she had given up on God.  Actually, she mistakenly believed God had given up on her.  She had prayed and prayed for a Christian husband who would be her best friend, her confidant.  Someone she could respect.  Someone who would love her through all her insecurities.  And at the ripe old age of 32, she had given up.  She had even gone so far as to do everything God had told her not to do for her own good.  She was beyond rebellious.  She was a living, breathing prodigal daughter of the Living God. 

Let me tell you... about a man who had given up.  He had tried and tried to do what he thought was best, but with no compass to show him the way.  In his path, he had left broken relationships and broken dreams.  His mother, his shelter from the storm, had passed away, leaving him empty and vulnerable.  He felt that his life was a total failure.  Not for lack of trying, but for lack of purpose. 

Let me tell you... a love story.  It's not the story you expect.  It's a love story only God could pen.  He took this rebellious daughter and this purpose-less man and joined them together in matrimony.  And they did NOT live happily...at least for several months.  This prodigal daughter still longed for the Christian husband (which was not the man) and this man still sought the compass (which was not the woman).  The union (and this story) would have ended in disaster had God given up.  But He didn't.  That's the real love story.  God worked in and through each of these individuals in miraculous ways.  He placed godly men and women in the midst of this marriage.  They pointed the man to the one and only true compass.  They gently led the daughter back to the loving arms of her Father.  The man became a Believer and realized that God had a purpose planned for him before the beginning of time.  The woman realized that God had a Christian husband planned for her before the beginning of time.   That's the true love story. 

Let me tell you... how the story gets even better.  On Sunday, the 29th of this month, the local church body that this man and woman worship with and love, will be gathered in a special business meeting to vote on three very important decisions.  They will be voting to approve two elder candidates to the position of elders (one of which is the man). 

And they will be voting to approve the Elder Board's Recommendation for the new Associate Pastor......... 

Let me tell you... about God.  He doesn't give up.  He doesn't give up on a directionless man.  He doesn't give up on a rebellious daughter.  So no matter the outcome of the vote.  This man has found his purpose and will continue to pursue it with a passion.  This woman has found that she is loved beyond measure and will continue to bask in that truth. 

God doesn't give up.

The Experiment

About four months ago, I jumped head first into the gluten free world.  The plan was to eat gluten free for a period of time to see if the results would improve Troy's back and intestinal issues. Troy had also talked to co-workers who, after abstaining from gluten, felt more mentally sharp and didn't feel the "fogginess" that he often felt.

I honestly didn't think it would dramatically change my health.  I had recently lost a significant amount of weight and had starting a walking regimen.  My hip, knee, and ankle joints were in pain most of the time, but that was to be expected when one hasn't exercised to that extent in too many years.

So we gave up our number one comfort food in May.  I was riddled with anxiety and excitement. 

Within the first month, we both saw improvement in our overall health.  Not to extent that I had hoped, but improvement none the less. 

Troy still had his same health problems along with the foggy feeling.  This prompted a visit to the doctor which resulted in a change in medication.  The change in medication helped somewhat.  The biggest improvement with Troy over the next few months was that he was losing weight for the first time in years.  We have since decided that this is mostly due to the fact that he doesn't, on a whim, stop at McDonald's or go out to lunch with co-workers as often.  We also don't have bread at restaurants.

I noticed that my hip and ankle pain was virtually gone.  The nights spent tossing and turning because of my hips were a thing of the past.  My left knee still ached (and still does) but I really think more weight loss will ease that pain. 

Four months in, the new has worn off.  We miss "normal" hot dog and hamburger buns.  We miss being able to go anywhere and order anything off the menu we want.  We miss deep dish pizza.  I personally miss my all time favorite, 4 WW point frozen breakfast burrito made with a flour tortilla. 

So, the experiment began.  I bought four of my favorite burritos and decided to eat one each day to see if I could tell a difference.  I ate one Thursday for lunch and was thrilled that I felt no crazy weird effects.  I went for my walk Friday morning and felt fine.  So I, of course, had another one Friday (yesterday) and still felt fine. "Yes!"  I thought, "I can return to a normal life.  Maybe the hip pain was just a fluke since I had just started walking."

This morning, I took off for my five mile walk.  (I've done this for the past three Saturdays.)  About half way through this morning's walk, I really thought I was going to have to call Troy to come pick me up.  My hip, knees, and ankles were really hurting!  I made it home but had to immediately take my shoes off because the top arch of my right foot was throbbing.  I had completely forgotten about this pain.  It had been an annoyance of the past that I had chalked up to bad shoes or again the new walking routine.

So, the experiment is complete and the results are in:  eating gluten will not immediately send me to the bathroom or to an early grave, but if I want to have a better quality of life without unsolicited aches and pains, I need to avoid gluten. 

Today, Troy is going to eat one of my burritos because he likes them, too.  He's pretty sure it's going to be fine. 

We'll see.

My Day Off

Thursday is my official day off, well in Stephanie World anyway.  Every other day of the week is filled with homemaking responsibilities, volunteer duties, or just general on the go craziness.  So, at the point that I became a full time house wife, I decided that Thursday was going to be aside to recharge my batteries.  Now, don't get me wrong.  Thursday is also my "catch up on laundry" day.  I need to be a little productive, other wise I will feel horrible when Friday rolls around.  But on Thursday, instead of getting out of bed and getting dressed for my morning walk (before I'm lucid enough to talk myself out of it), I lay in bed until I absolutely have to get up and pack Troy's lunch box.  I then dress in the comfies I will wear ALL DAY LONG.  No two mile walk, no walking of the dogs.  Just the blessed feeling of anticipation as I ponder my self indulgent to do list. 

I thank God that I have a husband who appreciates me and advocates for my Thursdays.  He also reaps the benefits of a wife ready to tackle the next seven days with more energy and a better attitude.