Where There's Smoke

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. You know these faithful three as Daniel's com padres in the book of Daniel. The ones who refused to bow to a 90 foot golden image. The ones bound and thrown into a fiery furnace. The ones who walked with Jesus through the flames. The ones who came out of that furnace without a singe. Not even smelling like smoke.

Through events authored and organized by God, I was invited to a small women's group to view a DVD in which Beth Moore taught from Daniel chapters 2 and 3. The conviction I felt when watching that television screen caused my toes to curl. Really, I was trying to keep them from being stepped on. Over and over again.

Beth pointed out two things that spoke to my heart. First, these three men refused to bow to an image and refused to worship the Babylonian gods. She pointed out that often, when we feel God is not following through, we bow to the gods of self-pity, bitterness, and unbelief. Second, these three men came through that fiery furnace and didn't even smell of smoke. She used the example of someone who has been brought by God through a trial, but is still bitter about the trial. That person still "smells like smoke" because they exude the hardship through every pore.

I confess, when I dwell on the fact that God has not blessed Troy and I with children, I have bowed to the gods of self-pity, bitterness, and unbelief. Many, many times. And when I finally drag myself off the ground and look up, God is still there, with open arms. Ready to accept my anger, hurt, rejection, and finally my tearful plea for forgiveness.

I have also been guilty of "smelling like smoke". One of the first things people learn about me is that I don't have children. I immediately label myself as the poor, barren, unfulfilled wife. Do you smell something? I do. I think I can even see the wispy swirls of gray still rising from my heart.

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego told King Nebuchadnezzar that even if God did not deliver them from the furnace, they would still worship only Him. Wow! So, with God's help, I resolve not to bow to those gods I have harbored in my heart for way too long. I will ask to be filled with the Holy Spirit rather than seek that elusive fulfillment of motherhood. God may never bless me with children. But I will still worship Him only.

"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,
To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to You forever."
Psalm 30:11-12

Rejoicing and Being Glad

I kept wishing I would wake up from this horribly frustrating dream. But I was awake. I started the day yesterday feeling run down from a lingering head cold. I tried to work out, but was only able to complete about a quarter of it. I rushed around the house getting ready for women's bible study worrying the whole time about the icy roads leading to the church. I jumped in the car and couldn't find my car key. Running late, I emptied everything out of my purse onto the passenger's seat and spied my valet key on top of the pile. Oh well, I would just use it. I'd done that in the past (many times). I drove with much caution to the church and arrived only five minutes late. The head-cold-induced fog followed me all morning long. I left the bible study at noon determined to come home and take a little nap before my afternoon stint at Sylvan.

As I drove up to my garage door, I realized it hadn't opened when I pushed the remote button. I pushed again. The door made a slight jolt, but did not "open sesame". Push. Jolt. Push. Jolt. Hmmm. And I don't have a key to the front or back doors. Hmmm. Push. Jolt. And I really, really, really need to pee. PUSH! JOLT! Maybe I left the backdoor unlocked when I let the dogs out this morning. It would be par for the course. I mean I've lost my house key; I've lost my car key; the front passenger seat of my car is buried in junk from my purse and the glove compartment in an attempt to find said keys. I trudged through the snow to the back door only to find that in one moment of responsibility, I had locked the back door. OF COURSE!!!! Would anyone see me if I squatted right here and made my own yellow snow?

I called Troy hoping against hope that he knew some magical formula for opening a broken garage door. Yes, honey, I already tried the wall mount key pad. No, honey, I didn't leave the back door open as I've been prone to do on more than one occasion. He had nothing.

I called my friend, Jenni, to see if she had a spare key. No, she had given it back to me. GREAT! That's at least 2 house keys I have now misplaced. Thankfully she lives less than a mile away and I was able to go to her house to relieve my bladder and eat lunch before leaving for work. Thanks Jenni!

My day had been so crappy, I decided to soothe myself with a nice Venti size White Mocha Latte from the drive through Starbucks. I gave my order to Suzie whose upbeat, smiley voice made me wonder if she had ever had to deal with a broken garage door, although I'm pretty sure she might have lost a key or two. As I pulled up to the window, I reached into the pile of junk in the passenger seat and immediately grabbed my wallet. Wow, first try. Things are looking up! Opened the wallet to pull out my debit card, only to see it wasn't there. REALLY?!?!?! Hi Suzie. Here's my credit card. Please charge my calorie laden chocolate drink to my credit card so that my husband can raise his eyebrow when he sees the statement. Deep breath.

I came home after work to a dark, quiet house. Troy was asleep because he had a night job. I decided to relax with some computer time until I needed to wake him at 9:00. Tempting fate one more time, I opened the checking account web page to find I had miscalculated and we were about $5 away from notta! What A Day!

And through all this God is so good! Troy awoke at 9:00 and we sat in the bed for about an hour talking about my horrible, no good, very bad day. He had come home from work early, took care of the suffering dogs locked inside the house, had extra keys copied for the doors, found my car key and debit card in a basket on the kitchen table, and only sighed once when I told him about my miscalculation with the checking account. Thank you God for my amazing husband!

Yesterday was God's creation. Yesterday was a kick in the pants. I was made very aware of the fact that I had let things slip through the cracks during the holidays. I need to put on my big girl panties and get organized again. That is if I can FIND my big girl panties. We are cash poor right now because we are planning for the future. I need to tighten the financial belt one more notch by lowering the grocery budget and using up the supplies in the bulging pantry and freezer. Yesterday was also a "come-here-poor-baby-girl" hug as God reminded me again how blessed I am to have a husband that sees every one of my scatter-brained, fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants tendencies and loves me in spite of them.

Yesterday was a day the Lord had made. I now rejoice and am glad it's over. ;)

We Are The Champions, My Friends!

And we'll keep on fighting to the end....

We are the champions,
We are the champions,
No time for losers,
Cause we are the champions....
OF THE SCALE!

Yes, my friends, I have lost the 10 pounds of Christmas weight plus two more!
And I'm not too proud to say I did the Nudie Patootie Champion Dance in front of the bathroom mirror.

Okay, you can now erase that mental image.

Starting Again....Tomorrow

My white-knuckled hands are on the wheel. The winter wonderland all around me glistens in the morning sun. But my eyes are focused on the snow packed road in front of me. I haven't left my driveway and I'm seriously considering staying in the familiar safety of my home. My destination is a reward I've been looking forward to for many, many years. Can I do it? If I slide off the road, will I be able to get back on it and continue my journey? Will an obstacle be in my way that I cannot manuever around without damage?

Many times I've felt these feelings when driving after it's snowing or has recently snowed in Colorado. However, this is also the feeling I have about continuing my weight loss journey. My destination is the reward of being healthy, slim, and physically able to do so many things I cannot do now. But the journey is riddled with obstacles that have stopped me before.

I actually started this journey on August 24, 2010. The day after my birthday. I was really tired of my lifestyle. So, I looked back on the last few years at my weight loss attempts and picked the one that most success. It was the Fat Smash Diet by Dr. Ian Smith. (The doctor from that VH-1 reality show where washed up celebrities try to loose weight.) I had followed this plan about 3 years before and lost more than 30 lbs. Since that time I had gained 40+ pounds back. But I digress.

On August 24th, I started following the diet as regimented in the book. By December 1, I had lost 31 pounds! Very proud of me! I could get into jeans that were two sizes smaller. I was exercising 5 times a week. Feeling much better. I had already decided that Christmas time was going to be a break from the regulations of the diet. I wasn't going to worry about what I ate and exercise would happen only if I wanted to get up and do it. Here I am 10 pounds heavier. I'm a little down about that, but at least I don't weigh what I weighed on August 24th PLUS 10 pounds!

Tomorrow I continue my journey. This is the l-o-n-g journey. No Christmas break four months in. My goal is to stay faithful until September 15th, taking only a day each month to binge. It's a long journey, but the destination is so worth it. I'm a little scared, white-knuckled, and really anxious. But I'm also excited about getting back into the routine and experiencing the results of hard work.

So, here I go ........