It Has a Story

We were in the middle of a budget meeting.   Troy and I.  We've learned that if we do not sit down and discuss our budget and financial plans once a month, one or both of us decide that we can spend more than we have.  As we were crunching the numbers, we realized God had blessed us with more than we had anticipated.  So the question arose, "Do we use it responsibly?  Or do we use it for pleasure?" 

I flippantly said, "Well, we could buy my solitaire." 
Troy looked at me with such a serious expression and said, "Okay.  Yes.  We'll do that." 

Almost ten years ago, September 23, 2002, Troy asked me to marry him.  We were married on September 28, 2002.  We gave "short engagement" a whole new meaning.  In the flurry of the five days, one of the most important things to me was buying my ring.  We opted to buy my ring at Zale's.  I loved it when I saw it in the display case and couldn't believe how inexpensive it was.  I only held it for a moment before it was whisked away to be sized.  Three days later, my beautiful ring was ready for pick up.  I immediately placed the "engagement" ring on my left ring finger and held it out to view in the brilliant September sun.   Still gorgeous!  It would look even more beautiful with the wedding band in a couple of days! 

The next day I couldn't wait to get to work to show my co-workers my ring.  As I held my left hand out under the florescent glare of the office lights, my heart sank.  My beautiful ring was not a square cut diamond solitaire set in a yellow gold band with rows of tiny diamonds on each side.  My ring was four very small diamonds in a square setting to imitate a square cut solitaire.  My mind screamed, "It's not what I thought it was!"  But I pasted on my smile and gushed about how wonderful it was and how excited I was for the upcoming ceremony. 

Fast forward three months. 

We are living in the San Francisco Bay area, in a third floor walk up studio apartment.  I have no car, no job, no friends, and am about 3,000 miles away from family.  I realize that marrying a man I had known for less than four months may not have been the best decision I had ever made.  Adjustment to the new of EVERYTHING is not easy.  Life was hard.  There were days that I sat in the middle of our apartment room, looked at my wedding ring, and cried, "It's not what I thought it was!"

But that's not the end.  God had a plan.  A good plan.  He worked in our marriage in miraculous ways.  Ways that I would not believe had I not witnessed them.  At one point, Troy and I were holding hands and he held up my left hand and said, "I'm sorry the ring wasn't what you wanted."
I teasingly replied, "Well, if I stick it out for 10 years, I will deserve a solitaire." 
"Yes, you will!"

We've talked about this solitaire purchase occasionally over the course of the last few years.  

And here I was faced with the prospect of actually following through and replacing the setting of my little Zale's ring with what I always thought I wanted.   Then I thought about the last ten years.  I thought about the hard times when words were used as weapons.  I thought about the easy times of feeling at home in the silence of each other's presence.  I thought about the heart-wrenching times when what we wanted most just couldn't be.  I thought about the joy filled times when I've said, "It can't possibly get better than this!"  Marriage isn't what I thought it was.  It's harder.  It's better.

I looked down at my wedding ring, smiled, and sighed, "No, I don't want to replace this one. It has a story." 

Because I Am

I sit here at 2:00am with my laptop.  I can't sleep.  I'm in Ouray, Colorado.  My favorite place in the world and I can't sleep.  But I'm not frustrated.

Because I am...
     on vacation and I will be able to sleep whenever I want to without a set schedule.

So here I sit, surfing the web and pondering life.  These late night, early morning hours bring the thoughts lingering in the back of mind to the forefront. 

Last Sunday, God brought to light something in my character that I had tried to hide in the darkness of excuses.  Excuses that would have been readily accepted by the world.  Reprimand stings the ego.  And my bruised ego needed a little time to heal.  But then I thanked God for the discipline and asked that the Holy Spirit mold me to be more like Christ.

Because I am...
     a loved, treasured child of a Heavenly Father who is holy, just, merciful, and good.  He will prune away the fruitless branches of my being to shape me into the best me I can be on this side of heaven. 

Did I mention that God used my husband to place that glaring spotlight on that which I thought I had covered so well?  He did.  I was so hurt and angry, but at the same time deeply ashamed because I had disappointed both Troy and God.  I really wanted to lash out and verbally hurt him as much as he had hurt me.  But I didn't.  I just cried.

Because I am...
     so blessed to have a husband who strives every day to be the kind of man God desires.  Like God, he desires that I become more and more like Jesus.  He takes his position as spiritual leader of our family to heart.  For that I am eternally grateful. 

Actually, in His amazing wisdom, God used Troy to make me aware of this sin and in the process also opened Troy's eyes to an area in his life that needed some pruning.   We serve an amazing God.

So, it's now almost 3:00am and Troy just came into the living room of this amazing penthouse in which we are vacationing to tell me he can't sleep and is going to take a shower. 

T. M. I. ALERT!!!!

I think I'll go join him.

Because I am....
      married to a man I am passionately in love with and these are the moments that make vacations memorable.