Whew! I Needed That!

The past six weeks have been a struggle on the weight loss journey. 

I felt like I was riding a 10-speed bicycle up Mount Everest on the lowest speed.  I was still making progress (very slowly) but at the expense of wearing myself out by peddling as hard as I could!

Then last week it happened: I finally lost a significant amount of weight.  And then this week I lost another significant amount.

I've lost 66 pounds since the end of January.

I look at that amount and am amazed by the way my Lord and Savior has worked in my life.  Because in the end I know that it is only through His strength that I am able to bike up Mount Everest at all.  And I know that when I feel like I'm about to give in to this stronghold, He gives my bicycle a little nudge to remind me He's there.  That's all I need to keep going.

Slow and Steady

"Come on, Stephanie."
"Hurry up, Steph."
"You're lagging behind again."
"Keep up!"
"Faster, Stephanie, faster."

You've just read the soundtrack of my life.  I was always the one lagging behind.  I don't know why, really.  Maybe because I don't care if I'm last.  Too much pressure if you are always first.  Someone may take first place away and then where would you be?  I'd rather be last than second.  :)  No pressure in last place. 

 So, why am I pondering my slowness?  Because it has caused me some grief as of late.  I started Weight Watchers in January with the optimistic goal of losing an average of two pounds a week.  I was a strict, will-power driven dieting machine.  I lost that average of two pounds a week over the course of about six months and then the weight loss slowed to a crawl.  Instead of losing pounds, I was losing motivation.  My will-power was fading as the scale grudgingly gave up tenths of a pound each week.

During the past week, I've done some major soul searching.   And praying.  God pointed out that I had let the enemy tempt me into thinking I was doing all this in my own strength. Of course as soon as the enemy had convinced me of that, he also reminded me of all the times I had failed. Why would this time be any different?  The Accuser had built his case, set his trap, was getting ready to lure me back into an unhealthy lifestyle. God reminded me that the initial reason I had finally decided to live  healthier was in obedience to Him.  So, if I was continuing this healthy lifestyle, I was still being obedient no matter what the scale said.  He also reminded me that I am a unique individual that withers under self-induced pressure, but flourishes when I am allowed to just move at my own pace, slow and steady.

It Has a Story

We were in the middle of a budget meeting.   Troy and I.  We've learned that if we do not sit down and discuss our budget and financial plans once a month, one or both of us decide that we can spend more than we have.  As we were crunching the numbers, we realized God had blessed us with more than we had anticipated.  So the question arose, "Do we use it responsibly?  Or do we use it for pleasure?" 

I flippantly said, "Well, we could buy my solitaire." 
Troy looked at me with such a serious expression and said, "Okay.  Yes.  We'll do that." 

Almost ten years ago, September 23, 2002, Troy asked me to marry him.  We were married on September 28, 2002.  We gave "short engagement" a whole new meaning.  In the flurry of the five days, one of the most important things to me was buying my ring.  We opted to buy my ring at Zale's.  I loved it when I saw it in the display case and couldn't believe how inexpensive it was.  I only held it for a moment before it was whisked away to be sized.  Three days later, my beautiful ring was ready for pick up.  I immediately placed the "engagement" ring on my left ring finger and held it out to view in the brilliant September sun.   Still gorgeous!  It would look even more beautiful with the wedding band in a couple of days! 

The next day I couldn't wait to get to work to show my co-workers my ring.  As I held my left hand out under the florescent glare of the office lights, my heart sank.  My beautiful ring was not a square cut diamond solitaire set in a yellow gold band with rows of tiny diamonds on each side.  My ring was four very small diamonds in a square setting to imitate a square cut solitaire.  My mind screamed, "It's not what I thought it was!"  But I pasted on my smile and gushed about how wonderful it was and how excited I was for the upcoming ceremony. 

Fast forward three months. 

We are living in the San Francisco Bay area, in a third floor walk up studio apartment.  I have no car, no job, no friends, and am about 3,000 miles away from family.  I realize that marrying a man I had known for less than four months may not have been the best decision I had ever made.  Adjustment to the new of EVERYTHING is not easy.  Life was hard.  There were days that I sat in the middle of our apartment room, looked at my wedding ring, and cried, "It's not what I thought it was!"

But that's not the end.  God had a plan.  A good plan.  He worked in our marriage in miraculous ways.  Ways that I would not believe had I not witnessed them.  At one point, Troy and I were holding hands and he held up my left hand and said, "I'm sorry the ring wasn't what you wanted."
I teasingly replied, "Well, if I stick it out for 10 years, I will deserve a solitaire." 
"Yes, you will!"

We've talked about this solitaire purchase occasionally over the course of the last few years.  

And here I was faced with the prospect of actually following through and replacing the setting of my little Zale's ring with what I always thought I wanted.   Then I thought about the last ten years.  I thought about the hard times when words were used as weapons.  I thought about the easy times of feeling at home in the silence of each other's presence.  I thought about the heart-wrenching times when what we wanted most just couldn't be.  I thought about the joy filled times when I've said, "It can't possibly get better than this!"  Marriage isn't what I thought it was.  It's harder.  It's better.

I looked down at my wedding ring, smiled, and sighed, "No, I don't want to replace this one. It has a story."